You said: "My H has never been into oral (he was into taking but never giving in that aspect) and as for any other kind of 'play', he just does not innitiate and I can't handle more rejection... so we are at am impasse."
Does he understand how selfish he is being? Do YOU understand?
Sorry for being blunt. But if you both put this type of limitation on your own sexual fulfillment and his participation (or lack thereof) ... this truly is an impasse.
This isn't a matter of being "into" it (although that certainly helps). It's a matter of being a loving partner.
Yes, I know that it is selfish on his part, but it is how it has always been. I have tried and tried to get across to him in the past that it was not just the EA with OOW and the phone sex with OW but the fact that he described doing things with them that he has never done with me. That he showed them the attention and worked to make them feel desired while completely ignoring me. This is probably the largest reason that I would pull away when he would try to reach for my hand... I did not want the crumbs, I wanted the cake.
Tonight was rough... I had a medical test scheduled for this evening and when I got there and they started I found out that it was the wrong test on the wrong area! I have huge issues with not being listened to and not being heard, so when things like this happen I shut down. He was livid and called the Dr's office to find out why they ordered the wrong test. (The best way to describe how wrong it was, it is as if you go to the ER with a broken hand and they x-ray your back. The x-ray was needed but not on your back) He tried to make me get on the phone, but the proceedure was painful and I was very upset and did not want to talk to the Dr because my mind set at that exact moment was 'what good would it do, he would not listen to me anyway?' which ticked my H off and it was a tense ride home with him yelling at me for giving up.
By the time we got home my BP was 229/117 and my heart rate 137 and he tried to comfort me since he had vented and was sorry for how he had acted but I told him that I needed my space at the moment. Stupid, I know... but I also know me... I would have taken my anger and frustration out on him, but in trying to prevent a situation I once again pushed him away.
Two steps forward and one step back it seems. I know I made a mistake... sighs.
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
