I agree with Sandi. I was in a situation very similar to yours, and I still am to some degree. Like you, I had this "need" to make a decision. Somehow I thought that would give me some peace or something, but it was just an illusion born out of pain and desperation.
As Sandi says, the most peace you'll get will come from giving yourself permission to NOT make any decision right now. Just let all this wash over you. Everything is in flux, and riddled with conflicting emotion. Eventually you'll reach a place where a decision will be necessary, but that's not now, and probably not for quite a while.
