This stuff stresses me out because it is about my kids' educations, lifestyle, friends, proximity to family etc.
Dude, I have some much respect for you, you have no idea. My challenges and problems are minuscule comparatively. Seriously, I'm humbled by the strength and bravery I see from so many on this forum. No doubt that sounds like a bunch of corny bullsh*t but its the truth.
So I get your predicament. I definitely agree about your focus on maintaining consistency and stability for the kids wherever possible. What I didn't see enough of in your problem description is an account for your needs. You are the most important piece of consistency and stability in the kids lives. Your happiness, is their happiness. If friends, community, and support are important to you then make sure you're valuing them appropriately. If I were you, and that's a big if, I would do the math and figure out where you want to be and go after it whole a$$. I'm not for the 'cast a wide net and see what you catch' approach.
Either way you're strong and brave and smart and a good mother and I already know you'll be successful and happy.
Damn that's nice of you. Thanks. When you follow corny bullsh*t with "go after it whole a$$"...it's a good example of what works for women.
I have to take responsibility for the fact that I don't really know what will make me happy. I have learned how to be happy no matter what so I am now more attached to the outcome for my children than for myself...I'm not sure if that makes sense but, really, we have moved so many times and things are absolutely contrary to how I envisioned them, we have no real roots, we have friends all over in different areas...my children's well-being and quality of life is of paramount importance to me and is directly correlated to my satisfaction with my life. I don't live through them but being their mom is #1 on my list.
I just had an hour long conversation initiated by S9 crying about his fear of death. It evolved into one of those most memorable events where S9, just before falling asleep, declared that he is so happy to be him, not me, not his brother, not x or y or z but himself...it was so wonderful.
Somewhere in there I asked them what they think is at the top of my list of what I'm grateful for and S6 said "your marriage"...that really floored me and led to a touchy conversation...one of those, I wish H could hear what I'm hearing moments but as I told my kids, things don't always appear to be just how you want them, but they are just how they are meant to be. Sounds trite but we explored the topic more and it was so good.
I have two amazing boys. I am really blessed. I have diverged a bit here but since I can't share this with H, I figured I'd share it here.
