WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[sandi2]

I think of detached as pulling away. Actually, I think it is breaking or pulling off of something else. So, you are certainly physically detached. But, I don't think a person can just shut their feelings off so easily. It is a work in progress.....this detaching. You have to grieve to a degree or else what you shared in the past means nothing at all. I believe it "does" mean a great deal to you. I think it should hold a special place. I would hate to think of sharing my life with another person and then not placing any value on it whatsoever. I wonder if you aren't in this "gap" between two places. The first place is your history with your W and all that that held for you. The second place is the future. You aren't sure if the past will be tied to the future (as far as your MR) and it's as if you are hanging between these two levels trying to force yourself to not feel certain things or assure yourself that some things doesn't matter, etc. Isn't it like a "transistion" from one place to another? How could a person just do that overnight?

Okay, so you would like for her to be remorseful and you'd like to have a good shot at having a new MR with your W. You want some changes (about her) to be in place in order to have that R. Those are the facts as you have told us....if I understand it correctly. Now this is the way I see it......you have been in surgery! It has been a very painful operation and now you need to go to the "recovery room" and stay there until you gain some strength from the surgery and then move on to the regular hospital room and heal. Okay, so this may sound a bit goofy, but as I've said, this all takes time. Your heart was cut wide open and you can't expect to jump off the operating table and not give yourself time to get well. You are vulnerable and you are trying so hard to make life long decisions that you are not 100% sure about. One minute you don't see how you could ever live with W again, and the next minute you are doubting yourself. Don't you think you need time to heal and then you could make better decisions? I guess what I'm saying is that just b/c she sends a picture of the boys...doesn't mean you must make a decision about the future. Just deal with it as it happens and if you think you need to close that door once and for all....so be it. As you feel yourself healing, and you may see some changes being made, then you may want to open the door and put out your welcome mat.

Oh man, I need to go to sleep. My post are getting rather icky.