This stuff stresses me out because it is about my kids' educations, lifestyle, friends, proximity to family etc.
Dude, I have some much respect for you, you have no idea. My challenges and problems are minuscule comparatively. Seriously, I'm humbled by the strength and bravery I see from so many on this forum. No doubt that sounds like a bunch of corny bullsh*t but its the truth.
So I get your predicament. I definitely agree about your focus on maintaining consistency and stability for the kids wherever possible. What I didn't see enough of in your problem description is an account for your needs. You are the most important piece of consistency and stability in the kids lives. Your happiness, is their happiness. If friends, community, and support are important to you then make sure you're valuing them appropriately. If I were you, and that's a big if, I would do the math and figure out where you want to be and go after it whole a$$. I'm not for the 'cast a wide net and see what you catch' approach.
Either way you're strong and brave and smart and a good mother and I already know you'll be successful and happy.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
