riding the big roller coaster...

[steady]

@Steady, thanks. I am working hard on the big ole stop sign in my head when these sorts of things pop up.

I know it's a hard thing to get down. Repetitions is the only way I've found that works. It's hard as hell to keep the focus on ourselves in these situations. For the most part most of us have a certain amount of unhealthy entanglement in our relationships that need to get unspun.

So H had the girls this weekend. I went shopping and then a happy hour and then out dancing with friends. Lots of fun, flirting and a good time to be had by all. Didn't get home until after 1:00 am.

GAL is great. Keep doing it.

Called H at 8:00 to say goodnight to the girls - He could hear that I was out. He was at a mutual friend's house (couples friends). The friend's wife and I had coffee on Sunday and she proceeded to tell me that H is still confused, doesn't know what he wants. H started to cry when he told them "I'm breaking up my family"...blah, blah, blah.

So he's confused and feeling guilty. That's a good thing. Don't put any stock on it though. That's his mess to work through. You have your own to deal with.

When H dropped off the girls, things were as usual. He did stick around for 20 minutes or so. Had a beer and chatted. Interesting, since I know yesterday was OW's birthday. But, alas... who cares.

You care. Otherwise it wouldn't even be an event in your mind. It's important to stay genuine to your true thoughts and feelings. Don't gloss over them because you think you 'shouldn't' feel or think a certain way. Anyone in your shoes would feel exactly as you do. If it pisses you off, say that here. If it makes you sad, jealous, etc... say it here - otherwise you're just driving the feeling deeper into yourself where it will get lodged in and pop up at another time. It's like a cancer that will grow.

So, today I went to my IC. He said something interesting that I need to think about. I need to try and make sure that our relationship throughout this separation not have the same dynamic that it did while we were M.

So, I was the caretaker, the one who "tried" for both of us. I need to stop that and that will take much more detaching.

Bingo. That freakin 10 letter word - detachment. It's key. When you find it, you will find your peace.

I get it and lose it, get it and lose it, right now I'm in a 'I've lost it' phase for the past 2 days. I need it back...lol

You sound good. Just keep moving forward.