I was thinking of you today while I was at school. I was hoping your day was going better than you were thinking it would be. It sounds like you did OK. I'm so glad. You will be fine. You are strong! You sound like you are doing amazingly well for what you just went through. It also sounded like xH took notice of what he was losing. He may not be going very far now that he's cleared his head. The ball is in your court now though!
I didn't sleep very well last night. Today H brings in the mail, and I received a big manilla envelope from my attorneys office. Does it ever end? I haven't opened it yet. Do you get a court date in the mail in a big envelope? Or does your attorney call you? I feel like it's starting to collapse around here. MLC H and skank are in the lead. At least it looks that way to me. (sigh)
I will continue to have FAITH no matter what it looks like. I will continue to pray that H turns himself around before a D goes through.
Have a good day at work tomorrow, and don't forget to eat.
Hey MJ, Well, I'm doing ok. I have so many moments in the day when I am unsure of myself. I am more or less spending the day trying to get over one or getting ready to have one. So much stress sometimes at work that I just don't quite know what more to do. Some days, like today, I just have surrendered to life...and what it has in store for me. I don't feel as though I have much control.
Anyways, long day tomorrow and its already 9:30pm....need to start getting ready for work tomorrow.
Journalling..... Well, it was a long day, but still was home by 6:30pm. Had some time and so cooked a healthy meal for myself. I think I like myself more when I cook healthy for myself....that sounds weird, right? But, it was this total sense of satisfaction, I think. I'm going to try to cook more often for myself these next few days. Somehow...I don't know how, but it makes me feel better than microwaving a frozen meal!
Ok....otherwise, I had a much better day at work today. I met up with some people after work for a half hour...just to vent work stuff...it was a nice break. I miss hanging out with them. They are located in an office 2 hours south of me for the next couple of months....and then they will be back. I think in January, I go to that office for 3 months! Should be interesting. Am working on a project that is due in 3 weeks now. I am nervous and there is a lot of work to be done. So, will go start on that now.
Didn't think of H much today. I just feel alone and feel....ok with it. He really has left me....and though he says he enjoys being with me, etc..., I feel divorced, for real. Someone asked me today if I was married and I just said No. and moved on with the day. I didn't even realize that I had answered the question so easily.
In some ways I know it feels like we may have a chance, but I have personally never heard of anyone getting a Divorce and then getting back togeather....I mean how do you trust this person? How do you grow together? How do you function as a couple? How and Why will it be better now...than before a paper stated that we are divorced?
Whatever. Somewhat jaded, but just being truthful. Anyways, so that is life. Will write again tomorrow. Nothing major to write today.....
My sister and brother in law got D after several years of marriage. They have been remarried now for over twenty years. They seem like newlyweds. They have their ups and downs just like any marriage though.
So... There is a remarriage in my own family.
Every day in every way your getting better and better.
I had a hard day today. I feel emotional. I stuck around after work to chat with some people and that took up too much time....I ended up coming home around 7:30pm...too late...now its 9pm and time for bed soon. I've gotta be back up early tomorrow....need to be at work by 6:30 am. SIGH... I wish H was here...just to sit next to me and watch some tv...no talking...nothing...just being in the same room.
I'm noticing that the harder days at work are harder emotionally at night....at home.
I was thinking....well, yes, it would be nice if the haze would lift from my ex H's head.... but then again, it would be nice if I had a million dollars. Would take you ladies and go on a 3 month girls only vacation!
Big deal. I am still in good health thank god. I have me. I have God. And well....I have my job...which keeps me productive, busy and satisfied! Not bad...life could definately be much worse....
ok,..just thought better of going to sleep with that negative outlook.
MJ....that's nice to know...I have heard of people getting a D...when both wanted it....and then getting back together. But, still...its great to know there are couples that make it, even after a D! Seems counter intuitive....but, hey so was this D! HeHe!! ok..i'm getting delirious...gotta go to bed. GoodNight!
AND... You have friends on here who are concerned about you, and who you can talk to anytime.
Three months huh? I have to wait until schools out now!
BUT, it's something to look forward to! Orchid, Faith, Serenity, MJ... Maybe pick up a few others by then.
Get some good sleep. You never know how much alone time your going to actually have. You don't know what the future holds. Maybe Mr. Wondeful is right around the next corner
MJ, That is totally true....I have wonderful amazing friends! Journalling.... I don't have a lot of energy today....though I had the day off, I didn't get home yesterday until midnight and I still feel tired. Don't want to think. Got a call from ex-H...he said he wanted to buy me something for m birthday....I just felt anger. I don't want anything. I know he has money. Its easy to buy me something. But, really was too exhausted to get into it today. I just ignored it. He said he has been thinking of me all week..every day....
And instead of being happy at that revelation, I thought "So What? What does that really mean? Nothing. They are words." He was planning a relaxing day watching football and eating his fav foods...well. goody goody gum drops!
I'm irritated and well...for me, this was NOT a good conversation. I don't know if I'm just tired...or what..but, in the next conversation I am going to tell him that his mission, should he choose to take it, is to spend only $50 on me...the challenge being it should be unique and creative.
I don't think he is capable of this. My siblings and I used to spend like $10 on each other....just for the sheer challenge of it. My parents still think we should keep gifts to $25...and I am starting to really understand what they were getting at.
Anyways, I don't know...today has just flown by and I am just NOT looking forward to going back to work. I will try to come home tomorrow as soon as I can...just to have time to relax...
Got the final Divorce papers in the mail. Left work early to see if I could get some rest...and well...I was greeted with final papers. Not crying or anything...just feel cold...and irritable...angry.
