I love my H. I have been with him more than half my life. I would love for our M to improve so I can grow old with him. BUT I CANNOT allow him to continue to disrespect me to my boys and constantly accuse me of things I haven't done. I am beginning to think I have hit a wall. I don't want to leave my M, but I don't want to be in this sitch any longer. It is not good for me and it isn't good for my boys.
Sounds like a boundary issue to me - the kids' well being. The boundary being he not tell the kids about problems that are truly only your's and his. I understand your dilemma. Are you worried more that your H will punish your S (and what exactly would he do?) or that you will have to deal with H again?
I suppose an alternative to telling him what S told you is a discussion in which you tell him the D issues are to be discussed only between you two, and no one else. He will probably see through this, but I think the issue has to be addressed.
Does he love his children? If he does, he should be able to understand (he probably won't) how much he is hurting them by his childish and disrespectful behavior.
But, you can only set a boundary if you are preapred to follow through with enforcing it if H breaks the boundary.
So, your H talks D issues with your kids, won't get counseling and is disrepectful to you in front of your kids. Why are you putting up with that again?
