Yeah, I do the same thing. My H is so defensive. But my attitude of listening with compassion seems to help.
I also often start by sharing MY issues and sometimes it encourages him to open up to. AFter a long time. Oh well.
He's still critical of the house, etc, but being more instantly forgiving - I see besides it being about his Felix Unger nature, it's also about that he is not living at home so he feels out of control of "our" house. He's asking me about the household chores more calmly and directly and then gets over it quicker saying "it doesn't matter that much" I hope this is a good sign. My fear is that since he's writing up papers, he is saying to himself "It doesn't matter because I'll soon be outta here and what she does won't matter to me any more". I hope it's not that and it is more that he realizes that his problem with explosiveness and over-criticalness is actually A PROBLEM IN OUR M.
