Hoping WAW will someday see through the fog....

[shellshockedga]

Journal:

Well, its taken sometime for me to finally be able to post anything here. Luckily, for those that follow GIMA, he has been a huge help to me as I navigated through the first stages of the bomb being dropped. I only wish he and I had connected earlier.

In some of GIMA's posts I am referred to as "K." The person whose WAW is also friends with GIMA's WAW. When I finally called him for support and help, I was blown away in learning about the WAW, the script, well everything. The problem was that I was 45 days into it and I had made all of the newbie mistakes of pursuit, snooping etc... If I had only known then what I know now. Boy, I bet that has been said a million times here..

So now the hard part begins. 17 days ago, my W was only talking about D. She was on the move because I had uncovered some information about OM and brought it to her parents. I know, again, very bad mistake, but my relationship with them may be better than her own relationship. So anyway, I screwed up there causing an already tense sitch to go overboard. With C's help and much txting with GIMA (his bill will be out of control this month) I was told in no uncertain terms to stop P immediatley, begin to detach and stop snooping. For those who are doing that and those that need to - much easier said than done. However, the logic behind it appears to be spot on.

At that point she set a time frame of 14 days to decide whether to D or hang around and try to work on things. Now her self imposed deadline has passed. I have made no attempts to discuss our R nor has she. The strange thing is that yesterday she was actually nice to me, even smiled a few times at my jokes (which are all, of course, based on a male 14 year old mentality. I mean, do we really ever grow up?)

With two children (S10, S12) in the mix, I am in no way wanting a seperation outside of the house or a D. Like so many others, I still love W, but need to reach the point of being able to love her but allow her to make the mistakes she needs to.

So I sit and wait. I am working on GAL, making some new friends at church and begining to work out more. But it is tough.

Any thoughts on the correctness of this approach are appreciated.

Also, I have not seen any recent signs of OM so I feel that may have been less of an issue than I expected and more of a symptom of her internal WAW issues. Antennas are up, but just can't sit around and snoop or spy. Doesnt do me any good.