EB, man are you a saint? You are right, I've been so self-centered, so angry that I have forgotten how to have empathy for him. I cannot even imagine filing for legal separation or divorce. I assume this makes him feel good, feel powerful, feel hopeful in the fantasy that being rid of me will make him happier. So then I feel resentful. I have a hard time imagining this brings H pain, suffering, loss. I have a hard time imagining my pennywise H would spend one cent on a lawyer if it didn't make him feel good.
That is why H blames me. H does not want to feel the pain of splitting up the family. H does not see himself as responsible for this. H has said to me "I have no choice" and I told him this was all his choice.
It used to be me that fantasized about leaving my H and that it would bring me more happiness. Until he left and I tried dating and I realized how miserable I was that way too. The reality was worse. So, as long as he is projecting the pain onto me, he has the fantasy that D is better.
Empathy - EB I just don't know how right now. Any tips?
I have had empathy for the pain I have caused him. The little boy inside him that has felt demeaned, embarassed, hurt. But when is H going to wake up and see he made me feel the same way? When is he going to take in my regret for my actions? It all seems so unfair. I'm really making changes here and he's not.
But that is where I can find the empathy = to realize that no matter what my perceived injustices were in the marriage, I was hurtful, selfish, immature, and I did promise changes I didn't consistently keep. I did make fun of him and yell at him and throw things. So did he, but that doesn't change my actions. I need to remember and have empathy. Hopefully, someday, I will receive the same empathy.
