checking in ... again

[garyjlost]

BrokenTrust:

Good recommendations. Thank you very much.

You said:
"1- As we age (for women) gravity becomes a cruel trick on our bodies... has she taken to dressing in more form hiding clothing? Looser shirts that hide her shape, pants in the summer when shorts usually are more comfortable, those extra large shapeless t-shirts to sleep in?"

Yes, she has gained weight. Yes, she feels some embarrassment about her size now. She will only make love when the lights are out. She doesn't feel comfortable with her body. However, she is still beautiful and sexy. I've told her this, but she doesn't believe me. Regardless of her reaction, though, I probably could do a better job of telling her things that would make her feel better about herself. Good suggestion.

You said:
"2- Is she using your daughter as a sheild between you to keep you from cuddling... a barrier to keep you away?"

I long suspected the answer was "yes." But my wife has recently conveyed to me her fear that she will die early--as nearly everyone on her father's side of the family did (rarely passing the age of 60). No one passed 65. Her entire family is now dead with only a few cousins surviving and one uncle. So she says she feels the clock ticking and this means she puts all of her time into our daughter. In this scenario, I'm sort of irrelevant, except for helping with the care of our daughter and being a good father figure. Otherwise, I'm sort of irrelevant. As a husband, that is. Pure figurehead and not much else. She has put me on the back burner, where I'm supposed to just simmer ... until our daughter goes to college? Will I ever get her back again?

You said:
"3- When in public (going to the store) is it all buisness with no contact... just two people pushing a cart?"

I go with her to church and to the grocery store and to our daughter's extracurricular activities. The strange thing is she's fairly affectionate at church. This is one of the few places where she really wants me to put my arm around her and to hold hands. I suppose maybe because it's safe? I don't know. She is more affectionate when we are in public than when we're in private. And I'm affectionate regardless of the situation.