WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Just some more journaling - it was very similar to yesterday's

Not much activity today and once again I was very busy at work.

She sent me several emails and texts during the day. I did wind up responding to one where I said I was busy at work and thanked her sending me the information on events going on at my boys school.

She did send me an amr file via a text but I couldn't get it to work. Anyone know how to play them?

Again - big surprise Skype didn't work again. This time she actually got on the phone and tried to tell me what she was trying to do to "fix" it. I just told her that I knew she was trying the best she could and she put the boys back on before I could ask her to like I had before.

Again, no meaningful contact from her (not that it was bothering me, more from just a journal entry).

So, the week is going by quickly and I am another day closer to seeing the boys.

[MrBond]

"Again, no meaningful contact from her (not that it was bothering me, more from just a journal entry)."

Are you kidding? She contacted you all day. That's meaningful. She's trying to get your attention again because you responded to her before. And not in a healthy way. Back way off.

If you want to get her back, then I would say you need to do the "gucci" method of being disinterested in her. Go out and continue to GAL. When she calls you for the boys at night, tell her you're out, or busy. GAL! If not, you're going to go right back into falling into her traps again.

[MrBond]

Oh and what I meant about her contacting her being meaningful, many people around here would kill to have their WAS contact them even once after a few months. Only in your case, I think it's toxic.

[Stronger]

The problem is I know CIPA wants to talk to the boys every night and I understand why.

She knows this too.

[PMA_Baby!]

No problem. "Hi. Can I talk to the boys?.. Ok thanks bye..."

[Coach]

Stronger, By disagreeing with you I am not attacking you. If you feel that way, I am sorry. Not my intention to make you feel attacked. I actually like a lot of what you post:

I know with my H, when I've "walked" or explained to him, "You are right, let's end this" he back tracks big time. I try not to get to those points where we have those conversations but sometimes, as you know, we get pushed and it's do or die. Respected or become a door mat. I was a door mat long enough.

I think my H is finally at a point where he understands "Ok, Stronger doesn't want this D, but she's ready to go forward with it" and he's not quite sure what to do or think.

That's the tough love/detached place you need to get to the "see" clearly. That's the place CIPA needs to get to before he starts a new courtship with his wife.

"Patience is the companion of wisdom" - St Augustine

Just think CIPA needs to take his time for himself. Sounds like he is getting there.

Cheers
Coach

[confusedinpa]

Are you kidding? She contacted you all day. That's meaningful. She's trying to get your attention again because you responded to her before. And not in a healthy way. Back way off.

I'm still not sure how meaningful it is with respect that there are a lot of tactical things, and sprinkled in between are the other non-tactical text/pictures. I did respond to one of the many ones where I said I was really busy at work so I hadn't replied but thanked her for forwarding the info. She replied back calling me by an old nickname we used to joke about saying that was no problem as she was just passing along info but thanked me and hoped I was ok. I didn't respond to that one.

She called me this morning asking me if I wanted to buy something from a fund raiser my 7 year old was having. I just said no, I was good and hung up nicely.

If you want to get her back, then I would say you need to do the "gucci" method of being disinterested in her. Go out and continue to GAL. When she calls you for the boys at night, tell her you're out, or busy. GAL! If not, you're going to go right back into falling into her traps again.

I do want to renew my marriage relationship with her but I just don't see anyway that we can have one that I would be happy with. Sometimes, I think there is just too much pain/hurt that's transpired to start fresh (ironically that is something she had said to me this year). I had told her that on the call on Friday nite, where I feel like I'm now thinking and saying the same things to her as she had said to me earlier this year.

I have been getting a life. When I am in NY, I do go out every nite and do things for me. Right now I'm focused on getting an apartment, but I do go for a run and talk to my friends and go out to dinner/drinks with them. I do talk to my boys every nite though - either she calls me or I call them. I always make sure I have access to skype at those times in case "magically" the laptop works at her apt.

I'm not sure what's going on but I am taking what people are saying and trying to fit it appropriately in my situation. I do try to get a life and work on me. That is the best I can do for me and my boys for what ever lies ahead

I so appreciate everyone's passion in their thoughts/opinions as they try to help me through this insanity. I know I wouldn't have gotten this far (where ever here is) without the people here.

Thanks

I'm not sure if I was expecting more from Friday's call or it's all part of the process that I need to be patient about or it's true, I have fully detached, but do feel like I'm getting closer.

[Stronger]

right on, still love you coach.
But he has detached. The only way he could detach more would be to not even acknowledge her about the kids. Sunday was the first time they've even seen each other beyond five minutes.

I know he slammed the door in her face when he confronted her about the cheating. The things he said to her, she deserved for sure. She earned it. But if someone said to me, what CIPA said to her that night, I would do my very best to avoid him and hope he simmered down. I definitely would not bother with showing remorse because he made it clear that night that nothing would ever change his mind that she was less than a whore because at least they're smart enough to get paid. I wouldn't bother, not because I didn't have any but because I would think he didn't want to hear it.

But we know he does. And so he had to give her a little nudge to let her know, OK, yeah, I"m pissed but it's time to start showing some remorse.

Now it's time to see what she will do. And yes, he needs to remain detached at this point and wait and see.

[confusedinpa]

Just more journaling

She called at 7AM this morning asking about some tactical stuff. I answered because I thought it was the boys, but it was just her. I answered - nice, polite, but nothing more.

Aside from her reply to my email yesterday, referring to me with a nickname we used to joke about, not much more activity.

When the boys called at nite, she actually was on the phone to start. Unfortunately, I had a bad connection and couldn't really hear her or them very well. I talked to the boys for a few minutes and that was about it.

I know I still need to continue to detach. I feel like I've detached somewhat but know I have some ways to go......

[givingitmyall]

Keep detaching. Haven't posted on your thread lately, but I'm following.