I think it is great that your daughter is so caring about everyone. It is unfortunate that your son's real dad has not cleaned himself up after all these years to be the father he should be when your son needs a father the most in his life. I don't know how much your current H feels towards your son since it is not his own blood. That cannot be easy for a young man growing into a harsh world. He really needs guidance and a strong father figure.
When your daughter started taking it out on you, just know that it is not you she is angry at. It is her father. She is hurt and you are the one there that she can express her feelings to. Take it in stride. Just reasure her that you love her and will always be there for her no matter what.
You said you are GALing. What things are you doing to GAL?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
There is so much you can do, but you are so new to the sitch that you don't understand that yet. Focus on you and the kids. Let him go. Don't waste so much time on wondering where he is, why he did this, what is he going to do next? All of that only keeps you in a state of pain. Picture it like a hot stove. Don't let yourself touch the hot stove.
Focusing means focusing on you and the kids exclusively. I know it sounds impossible to do, but it isn't. Do it for the next 5 minutes, then the next 10, then the next 15 and so on. Don't think into the future, stay in the present.
As far as the kids, let them process and think about their emotions. Don't discuss what your D should put into her letter. Don't let her into any details of what has been said or done between you and the H.
I know its hard, very, very hard. But you need to grow and strengthen you.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I actually think it is my H that my son misses since he was the one that raised him. And he misses that, I think my S thinks that is the reason my H doesn't contact him because he is not blood. But that is so wrong to treat anyone like that. He raised him and my S looked up to him and called him Dad on his own.
Wifey,
I don't tell my daughter what to write in the letters or help her, her counselor has her respond. The last one she wrote on her own and asked me what I thought and I told her she did a great job and told the truth and that's all that counts.
As far as GAL I do everything in the house on my own, take care of the 2 children, work 2 jobs so I have little time of enjoyment.
But that is fine, I have a life now. And my GAL is finally getting off of the couch and doing stuff around the house instead of sitting and crying.
I don't feel new to the sitch at all. It has been over 10 months now and feel like their is very little hope since H doesn't contact me at all.
I was asked out just as friends to go to the movies or something but I don't know what to do. If I'm standing for my M that would be wrong. But I'm so sick of not doing or going any where sometimes at least for an hour or two.
I don't feel new to the sitch at all. It has been over 10 months now and feel like their is very little hope since H doesn't contact me at all.
Lost, I left my wife and family about a year ago. Ten months went by before I even became human enough and clear-headed enough to begin seeing what was going on. I began to think about reconciling. Suddenly out of nowhere I found out that W was seeing another man. Words cannot describe how much I woke up at that point. Now I'm fighting to try to save my marriage.
Don't tell me there isn't hope. There is and it's very real!!
Go out, enjoy life a little. Take care of yourself. Be genuine, don't flaunt or use other people. See what happens from there.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
What should I do Red? Should I go as friends? That's all I'm looking for....all of my female friends are M and don't go out and I'm sick of getting turned down.
Or should I just go by myself somewhere? I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea, and this person knows how I feel about my M. Did it take you to find out your W was seeing someone to wake you up? Is that what you are suggesting I do?
Can't thank you enough for giving me hope. I really believe that your sitch will work out also. I really mean that, she will see that you are sorry for what had happened someday.
What has worked for me is time, patience and faith. Take this TIME and make yourself better enjoy life and your kids. Be PATIENT don't force a square peg in a round hole.take small steps and work a little at a time. and have FAITH in what you are doing.it won't happen overnight although we all wish it.
by no means am I out of the woods yet but I can see some clearing and this is what has worked.
God Bless
H 49 W 42 S 19 S 14 S 12 S 8 D 6 M 19 Bomb dropped 2/09 Separated 5/09 still hopeful, praying
I'm trying Harpo. But I was seeing baby steps at the end of Feb all the way to the end of March and then he stopped taking his meds and it has been all down hill since then.
What should I do Red? Should I go as friends? That's all I'm looking for....all of my female friends are M and don't go out and I'm sick of getting turned down.
Harpo's advice is good. Read it again. There's nothing wrong with going out as friends. You should be taking care of you and your kids right now. But I think there are watch outs. First, Make sure you're ready for it emotionally. Second, if you're doing it primarily to make H jealous forget it. It won't work and it's not fair to the OP. If you are ready then fine. Establish the right boundaries, be respectful to yourself and OP and go out. Enjoy some life. You have every right to do so. Taking care of you makes you a better Mom for kids.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
Lost, I'll tell you, what I have told others. Join some meetup.com groups. Socialize with others.
I am concerned for your kids. What does the counselor say about your hubby not contacting your son and only your daughter? Very hurtful.
Have your legally sought a financial agreement like I mentioned earlier? I recall you saying that hubby earned double but contributed nothing and you were taking extra work on your second job. I am thinking that working less and being around more for the kids would be helpful to them. Plus you are entitled to some money from hubby.
I wonder if you are afraid that seeking money will push him further away. Well, right now he is living consequence free. Why would he change anything. Just my thoughts.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I think it is great that your daughter is so caring about everyone. It is unfortunate that your son's real dad has not cleaned himself up after all these years to be the father he should be when your son needs a father the most in his life. I don't know how much your current H feels towards your son since it is not his own blood. That cannot be easy for a young man growing into a harsh world. He really needs guidance and a strong father figure. Kevin
Kevin, this boy has a father. The wayward hubby. He has been raised by him. I hope "blood" does not mean that much. I certainly know it would hurt my adopted cousin to know that she is different b/c she is not blood relatives....
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
