just a quick note to remind y'all that the Jolenes of the world have feelings too. So while you guys want to press your wives' jealousy buttons by using single moms and their kids, well...keep that in mind. I personally don't think you should date someone unless you are actually interested in that person, not as a tool to make your wife jealous.
we aren't saying (at least I haven't been) to date one woman and get into a relationship with her and then break their heart when your wife comes back - date several women, how hard could it be?
I disagree on the "game" idea, once you view this as a game, you realize that you have to do certain things to get your spouse's attention back: get a life, 180s, personal development & improvement, going "dark", no contact/limited contact, dating others, etc. If none of these things worked at all why are they promoted at all on this site?
Or the flipside is this, and it's valid alternative as well: let go of your spouse, stop wanting them back, stop loving them, let them go, if they're with someone else, give up, they left you so the marriage is worthless, no need to prove to anyone: yourself, the kids, or the world for that matter that the marriage has worth, no need to wait for reconciliation or the hope that the spouse would maybe come back when they're tired of the other person. Just give up.
Train yourself to give up when this happens, every relationship you have, when similar things occur again (and they will), just give up, don't bother trying, don't bother working hard to improve yourself, don't bother fighting for the relationship at all, don't wallow in self-pity, just give up, move on.
After all, it's only love and you can love someone else, regardless if it's for forever or just a couple of days.
Plus this talk about introducing the people you date to your children, what kind of wacko nut burger would ever do that?! Why would you do that? What would be the requirement for doing that? Unless you've been dating a person several times, long enough to consider an actual relationship with them, why would you ever introduce the people you are dating to your young children? Why is this even an option - why would you?
Tristan do you want your wife back? I'm not sure I've even asked you this yet in all of our posts.
I guess you have to decide this - if you don't want your wife back, move on gracefully and be a good person for yourself and a good parent to your kids and embrace your new single life and prepare yourself for the eventual process of pursuing dating & relationships with other women. Get some counselling for the emotions you feel, the pain & withdrawal, getting over the past, and moving forward.
If you do want your wife back, it won't happen by sitting at home and attending single parent meetings. There is a process to this and it works but it only works if you put the work into it. This isn't just about jealousy, seriously, it's about painting the picture for your wife that you aren't waiting for her anymore, she takes for granted your existence in her life, when you move on and the fear of loss is generated, only then will your wife realize what she is losing and only then will she make the decision to leave the OM - until then she has you exactly where she wants you to be: at home, suffering, thinking about how many times she has communicated to you, thinking about your relationship with her, feeling the fear of loss of her not being your life anymore and her being with an OM - and at the same time know that she isn't feeling 10% of what you feel right now.
As for the "Jolene's" in this world, they have feelings, we all have feelings, no one is asking Tristan to go "steady" with the first "Jolene" he comes in contact with, go out meet Jolene, share a meal or go for coffee, find out about them, maybe make a friend or a new acquaintance and continue meeting other "Jolene's" without making any committments or getting into any serious relationships with any of them - if a first date translates to wedding cake, then the "Jolene's" in this world have problems that aren't necessarily yours to deal with.
