Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Thinker]

IMO, your parents have as big an issue as your W does. If they can't do something for W and your family (as you certainly benefited from their help in the home) without expecting something in return, they shouldn't do it. They WANT to be unhappy.

Correct. Yes they do. The issue with my parents has been a major topic of discussion here recently. Most of this problem is theirs.

I was just pointing out that my W's difficulty receiving feeds into it.

When you get to the point where you're addressing this with your W, be gentle and come to it from the perspective of I-statements. "When I do things to help you out and you don't thank me, I feel like I don't matter. I feel unappreciated." Not "You make me feel like I don't matter. You never..." It's a subtle difference, but given her defensiveness, it is a huge one.

Thanks. I had a very similar (short) discussion with her last night, and appreciate the need to be gentle.