So you all know,my wife is a great person and I know as a mother she saw this coming,when this started she told me focus on the kids and yourself,this is something i'm going to go through and it's going to take awhile and when it's over. We'll be together.
That was after a couple visits with a counselor. She offered to leave and I missed that opportunity out of fear and I left.Can't change it.
Focusing on the kids, I think its a good idea to drop off my ideas to her counselor and let go of the confusion and get back to and be what I always wanted to be a great father and husband.
Look man, you CANNOT lead her through this. As much as you want to, you can't.
This time is about YOU.
Also thinkin that telling her therapist anything is not such a grand idea. IF she is any kind of therapist, she has seen this before. And until your wife is ready, and open to changing and healing, she will not be forthcoming in any areas.
A MLC'er will walk a mile to lie instead of standing still and telling the truth.
This time, and HER crisis, can be a positive thing for all involved, you just gotta step back and let it happen. Be true to yourself and instill the things that you need to do to be a better person.
IF you went back through the Archives, and found posts from any of these wonderful people posting to you now.....you would find their first posts quite similar to yours.
Pick ANY one of them out of this thread and ask them if they are truly thankful for their journey through this....
What do you do for yourself where you aren't constantly thinking about this? Hobbys? Things you like to do? Things you stipped doing that you liked or enjoyed before you were married?
You also said you wrote out a list of failings what are you doing to correct...some of those, the big ones, the failings you don't like in yourself? Stay away from the ones that require your wife's participation, she won't help you right now, she won't care she will correctly think it is a trick. And it will be a trick until you make those changes soley for you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
How do I focus on my kids and see my kids,if I am to see them at "their convenience." And using her term,"build your own relationship with the kids."
At the kids convenience? That's a laugh esp with teenagers.
Talk to her and the two of you set up a schedule that the kids stick to. there may be times when something one of the kids wants to do interferes, then it is up to the two of you to decide. Jointly.
"At their convenience?" How f-ing quaint. They are children you are their parent. Set up times with your wife were you see them and she sees them and that is in stone. Give a little lee way here and there for emergencies...but at their convience?
Of course your son is going to be confused if his sister has no boundaries and no consequence.
No boundaries on a child? Start making some.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I haven't much time with the kids lately,so what I've been doing when I am not with them is,reading,learning and understanding. Set goals and to do lists for myself.
My job has basically given me two months off with pay. They've been awesome. I was struggling finding the answer for what happened and why.
All my counselor would say is prepare yourself for divorce and not tell me why. On my second visit.
I did kiss them everynight and stood at the bus stop with them in my past life told them yes and no.A lot of the things that I used to do with the kids, I've been stripped of.
I have been pretty lucky so far though.I found the DB books and others while looking at something else.Found out about my issues,etc.
I needed to get an outline of what was going on first.Got it now. Knowledge is power. Now I can live again. I found you all.
I have not acted like a victim in a month. I like where I'm staying. I know where I can sleep,etc.
Spending time with my extended family that I had not talked to in years. Reached out to friends I haven't talked to in years. I feel like I have most of my balance back.
My anxiety really has not been her, but what's going to happen with the kids,while I am not there.
