I couldn't agree more. I think you will be so much better off without this negative man in your life. I am only hoping that he will sort of mellow some once this is over and not continue to be such a donkey's behind.
What I said earlier wasn't that he didn't love his kids but that he is driven by money and not that love that he has for the kids. Sad really but I keep hoping that he will get it together.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Wdid, I'm going to cut way back on emails. I was just emailing about the kids, but I will just start doing essential ones re: schedule or illness, etc. I agree about the schedule. He was having Wed. and every other weekend and that was fine.
His new idea is that less switching/picking up the kids if we just split up the week, with him now requesting half. This is a guy that 12-18 months ago had the kids for no overnights. Then one a week, and we just started the Wed-every other weekend a few months ago. I like the idea of less back and forth, but he makes it so obvious, they start out Tues. mornings with him, I'm going to have the kids for afternoon and evening activities and then I'm going to drop them off at his place. Doesn't make sense.
I do feel bad my L's email got into D9's homework folder. I don't know how it happened, but I certainly didn't intend for that to happen. I don't want D9 or X reading my personal emails! I would never involve the kids in stuff like that! Do you really think he thinks I'm some twisted person that would do that?? I guess it doesn't matter and I have to let it go.
I sent him emails last night explaining the email in D9's folder was an accident last night, and that I will have the kids Tuesday night as we have always done in the past, and as I've told him repeatedly I wouldn't agree to. I told him if he has a problem with that, to contact his L. I suspect he has, he hasn't emailed any further emails today. I'll go to pickup the kids today in an hour or so, and I hope there is no drama. I'm scared he'll show up and refuse to let me have the kids or something. Do you you think that's crazy?
Kat, I keep hoping he'll get it together. I pray for a miracle for him b/c that's what it would take I think. I do believe in them, but I'm getting less hopeful as time goes on and he seems to get worse....
I agree with Kat and Didi. You will be much better off without someone in your life who acts like that.
And I don't think your H gives all fathers a bad name, but people like him make it all the more difficult for good, decent fathers to be taken seriously in the courts. In our wacky legal system one bad apple can indeed spoil the whole bunch.
I'll go to pickup the kids today in an hour or so, and I hope there is no drama. I'm scared he'll show up and refuse to let me have the kids or something. Do you you think that's crazy?
Ok, bad news, good news. The good news is I'm not crazy! Bad news is I go to pick up S15 and S9 and they aren't there. X picked up S9 40 minutes or so before school let out to ensure I wouldn't be able to have her.
I panicked. Went to the church-and the pastor told me what to do. My L was out of town so had me call X's L. Then had me check email in his office (I don't have a blackberry or laptop or anything). X had emailed me telling me he was not allowing me to take the kids about half hour after I had already left to pick them up. His reason was that D9 was still feeling sick from her cold she had the past 6 days. Of course, he sent her to school the past 2 days, so sure that's the reason. I'm saving the emails for my L when she gets back.
I am pretty sure she told me that if a parent tries to block the other parent like that it can hurt them in custody. So I'm hoping that will happen at least....
So I cried for half hour and drove to my church. I was so worried, and the pastor was great about it. Apparently his dad did exactly the same kind of stuff to his mom. I felt better as soon as I knew the kids were ok. They hadn't been at his apt., D9 at her school, and his cell phone was disconnected so it was a little scary.
I stayed the remaining hour with the kids program. And then went to the church cookout. You won't believe this but I sit down, it's at a table with this woman visiting and she is going through D too. She was way more traumatized than me: half crying and half angry. And her friend was still traumatized after going through a rough one a couple years ago. So it was like the Divorce table; we were crying & laughing and stuff. The woman going through D now; her H has an OW also and she asked him to get therapy and work on the M, but he hung up on her. She said she's been having the roughest 2 days ever, and she thinks the Lord put me at her table or helped guide me there. Weird huh?
X emailed me I can pick up the kids tomorrow after school, and the check he usually gives me the 15th he'll probably snail mail. What's my address, so I gave it to him. Usually he puts in one of the kids packs, but I guess I'm being punished for not being a complete doormat anymore.
Not really. I think she's right. I think you three were guided to each other by God. (I can't really believe in mere coincidences anymore where these things are concerned.)
Your H, however, is a total jerk and fraktard! He is so focused on himself and getting what he wants that he shows zero concern for the emotional stability of his kids. I really, really hope a judge will slap him down hard. One day he's going to get what's coming to him.
I am so angry at him why did he have them the past two days? I thought you were sticking with the plan you had in place? Talk about manipulation, maybe he is my ex's brother which we wouldn't even know about since he was adopted. Got to get hopping to get my kids going.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
XW did the very same thing to me for months. Most the weekly groceries I'd buy I had to throw out as most night's the kids or a kid was supposed to be with me ended up being an empty house. And of course, talking with the police, pointless. I still never understood how the other parent can remove them from the family home with no permission what so ever, craziness this system is. Even worse was when a temp visitation schedule was established an dshe was awarded weekends, she never returned them the first following Monday, and yet that was "ok", whatever.
Chin up, he's digging a BIG BIG hole. I don't care what they say, the courts still favor the mother. I'd double check around for ANYTHING your STBX can dangle over over your head to paint you the 'bad one'. I sure got a lot of surprises in my case, lyrics written for songs taken as "suicide notes", a months worth of recycle beer boxes I let linger to throw out at one time meant I was an "alcoholic" backed up by a picture taken of "my refridgerator" AFTER I LEFT the house, full of alcohol, are just the highlights.
It's a dirty game and apparently he's ready to play.
EDIT- as far as the table of divorcees goes: does you church have group session for divorce concolations? (support groups?) maybe that was a devine intervention? And that's shocking for me to say as I still have some issues to mend with 'the big guy'.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
He is such a snake. I knew he was going to start pulling this. I can't imagine what the kids are saying/thinking as he does these things.
Can you get a emergency court ordered visitation schedule? Because it sounds like you don't have anything "in stone" for this time. YOu need to or he will continue to pull this and will always have reasons to back himself up. And, with a "in stone" schedule you won't have to contact him. I've heard of notebooks going back and forth with the kids as well (with numbered pages) so that you can communicate there and it can also go to court if need be.
I'm proud of you for not being a doormat, Karen. Let him dig himself a grave. Time for him to realize that you will ALWAYS do what is best for the kids, and you will NOT agree to all of his cr@p.
I should never have agreed to a change, but it was in the best interest of the kids to have less back/forth I thought. I told him about 3 or 4 times in email that I would not agree to him having them Tuesday. The kids have their activities and they shouldn't have to suffer b/c of his concern of paying child support. I had just emailed him again Monday night and said again I was not going to agree to Tuesday night (he wanted me to drop them off after activities) b/c that was more switching back & forth which was what he said his motivation was but we all know that's a bunch of crap.
I'm pretty calm now. I should have expected this; a tiny part of me did, and wdid was 100% right on like she knows him, but was still in shock yesterday. It was nice of my pastor to help out, b/c I'm one of those people horrible in emergencies.
Dylan, I'm so sorry to hear your X does stuff like that. It's not good for the kids or you. It seems like there should be some way of dealing with that, but I guess the legal system can't make irresponsible, immature people become mature and responsible. And your X should win the award this year for "Most Immature" don't you think??? You have got me thinking about starting or trying to start a divorce support group at the church maybe a Divorce Care or something. I went to their website recently and they didn't have any listings for my area within 50 miles or whatever. They don't have one in our town, so if we advertised maybe there would be enough people, but I guess even if just 3 like we had it's a good thing. My town only has 4000-5000 people so it's not big, but I guess there's still a bunch of divorced people. I'm going to talk to the Pastor about it and see what he thinks. He's trying to start a dozen different projects now, very ambitious, but maybe if I could do the work it wouldn't be too bad.
wdid, he is a snake! You should have heard what my Pastor thinks of him yesterday. He said the entire church loves me and is willing to do anything for me, legal and otherwise. Isn't that sweet? I asked his wife later if she thinks X is crazy, and she said I don't know, but I do know he's a big a******! She's so funny! First time I've ever heard her cuss btw, don't want to give the wrong impression.
I'm saving all my emails telling him about her activities and not agreeing to the change, and his email and his "not allowing me" to take her to her favorite stuff yesterday and S15 wanted to do the food bank too. I'm hoping that will give the judge a good idea of what kind of parent/person he is.
D9 would have had so much fun at the cookout; it was mostly kids! I can't imagine what she was thinking when he did that stuff yesterday; hopefully he gave her a convincing lie or something. I can't wait to see them today!!!
When my L gets back in 2 weeks, I'm going to have to get with her, and see about an emergency hearing if we still need one at that point. X asked for nothing about visitation at the temp hearing a year ago, and at that point was doing no overnights with the kids at all, and many times when he was scheduled to spend an afternoon with them OW would have plans for him and he'd be off with her instead. I'm not worried about this, this could be a good thing. He's so clearly a control freak; he can't hide it really.
It's been a good thing b/c my friends in town (and here at DB too) are so supportive. My pastor said he's seen me grow a lot in the past year to a more confident, assertive person. I was horrifyingly doormaty & low self esteem when we first met almost 2 years ago. So that made me feel good too. My pastor thinks X is acting like this to demonize me, b/c he is trying to self-justify the crazy stuff he's been doing this past 2 years.
I think in a year or 2 from now, I can feel good about the way I'm handling this and I don't see how he could. I think that's how it's going to be for all of us here.
