I have noticed, in fact, that my W gets VERY defensive when someone else (one of her sib's, a MC, etc) points out something that I have done for her that she is not being thankful for...
"What!! Does he get a medal or something!!"
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I think this is also part of the problem between Mrs. Thinker and my parents.
My Parents are Horrible givers - everything they do for you is with a sense of Martyrdom. They expect major thank-you's, and sometimes it seems like they expect lifelong gratitude.
The cycle between them goes like:
My parents do something to help my w out (eg after our youngest was born and I had to go back to work, they came and watched the older 2 sons for a week)
They expect a serious thank you.
They don't get it. I thank them, but not from Mrs. Thinker ("What! do they want a medal!!")
They are insulted and hurt. They don't say anything, but just hold onto that resentment....
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It definitely is something we are going to have to work on together, and something she is going to have to admit, face and work on.
...but she isn't right now. I have kind of been waiting to go through Retrouvaille to see how things improve, and then take it from there.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
