Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

It wasn't intended. When H did what he did 4 years ago and told S, then 4, that he was leaving because Mommy told a lie, S kept inquiring. Bless his innocent little heart, he would have nightmares and cry a lot, broke my heart. I always tried to fix it by just saying that I love his F, always will, and that both of us will always love him and his B.

Apparently now, H is making comments to them in the car on the way to school, like saying " I won't be when my woman leaves" in response to a radio show saying not to be a sore loser if your woman leaves. Or another when the show is talking about what women have to offer, he said, "Most of them nothing, especially your mother."

S came to me unsolicited with these things after he heard the verbal exchange on Sunday evening. There was no yelling or screaming, but he heard H say something to the effect of me not taking care of the kids and I think it scared him. I just apologized that he had to hear such things. SO~ not trying to get S to take sides or drag him into this, that was already done by H. I have told him that it is a grown-up issue that he should try not to think about, but that I wouldn't lie to him if things were going to change. I never say anything bad about H to them, always say I love all 3 of my guys so much to the boys so they know.

So, while I know it isn't necessarily the best way to have handled the sitch, when you have a very astute child on your hands who pays attention to EVERYTHING, I figured it wasn't best to lie since that was what got us here in the first place, BUT I DO KNOW that he needs to be left out of it.

How can I tell H to leave the kids out of it without him figuring out that S has told me what he has been saying? S told me that H told them that if they tell his business to their M, they will be punished. S asked me not to say he had told.

Oh, and why H is doing this... He figured out that I have been documenting some of the things he says/does. He told me that I better have really good documentation because it wasn't going to be as easy as I thought to get the kids. BTW, no reason that SHOULD happen,- no drugs, drinking, or even smoking for that matter. THing is, H was the one to always told me to document things.

I have decided that I will offer to get counseling to the boys if our circumstances change. That, and not talking about it seems the best I can do. Feedback appreciated.