6000 miles away but finaly i see DBing sucess

[JWS123]

I need help/advice to get back into this and not blow things. Here is the quick background info. My wife/college/high school sweetheart and I were married for 4 years and together for 12. we had our share of problems the last two years but no looking back on things I see it more for what it really was. She was confused about her life and searching for something that she did not even know. She told me that she was leaving on an Wednesday and by Thursday afternoon she was gone. I found DB and got to work. At times things were very bleak and never seemed to get better. We lived in different states for 9 months then she ended up in law school. After about a year of living apart and things going now where despite my best DBing efforts, I was moved out of the country for work. We decided to divorce at that time then make our situation messier by stressing it across the world.

We did not speak for about 3 months but kept tabs on each other. Then we started to talk very briefly. Short 5 min phone calls here and there and emails. Most of the time it was how’s school doing and how’s work going. She also asked advice and help about money issues since I used to cover that. Sometimes I helped out sometimes I just offer an ear to listen. this went on for a few more moths. Then this weekend I returned to the states to visit my folks.

We talked a bit and each time she expressed interested in more talking. Then the night before I left I called her and we talked for almost 3 hours. That’s more then our entire last years worth of talking. And it was great, lots of teasing and joking back and forth, catching up about friends, and life.

She somehow knew that I had dated a bit but I told her it did not work out and we talked a bit about that. Really I was trying to cover up the pain and that no matter what no one could be her and you cant change who you love even when you are trying too. She seemed really happy to hear this.

The situation felt right so I told her “I know we don’t have serious talks these days, but I want you to know that I have gotten myself to a place where I am truly happy with myself and comfortable with my life enough so that I feel I can wait as long as you need because I am still completely in love with you” she cried said thanks and that she was still in love with me as well.

We then talked a while longer, and even toyed with a tenitive trip when I come home for Christmas so we can spend time with each other without our families around, then go our separate ways for Christmas. Then we started to talk about the time zone differences between us and she wanted me to know the good times to call her and wanted us to talk on a much more regular basis. Then asked me to call her and let her know when I got home safly.

The next day on a lay over in between my flights I sent a text “I enjoy our conversation thanks and look forward to more” instead of a return text she called. She said she wanted to chat more but did not know my flight info so she was glad I texted. We talked another 15 mins before I had to go. We ended with more I love yous.

Now I am home 6000 miles and 16 hours apart. I am so happy, yet very cautious and scared. I want to say that it seemed like the first step towards piecing or more but am afraid that even speaking that out loud could jinks it. I don’t want to come on to strong or any craziness like that. I have not thought about DBing in almost a year, I have just been living my life and getting by. I am also nervous that I have built walls in my heart and head to get buy and is this going to tear them down. When my phone rings I never wonder if that’s her because I know it would not be, is that going to change and throw my world off.

I know this is good but don’t want to make to much of it. She has another two years of school and I have two years over here. So at best we are can get back some sort of a relationship while we both focus our efforts on professions, but we also talked about where she would try to settle and the fact that I can go back to those cities as well.

Yikes that was long thanks for reading. This site gave me back my own life and showed me how to survive now maybe it can help me to achieve what I set out to almost two years ago.