I don't know of anyone who didn't come to this site looking for answers. I did. I wanted to know what I could do right NOW. What would make him see and understand what he was doing, to me, to our D's. If I just knew what action to take. This is a great guy that just didn't get it right? If I could just get through to him... (hint: I am the one who didn't get it.)
It didn't work that way for me (quick answers) and I honestly don't know of anyone it did. You're spinning and your brain is in overdrive. We all get that. Not a one of us hasn't been there (check the registered dates for some of the folks posting to you).
That you need to read and fill you head with as much into as you can get regarding this is fine. Don't share it with her. It won't help. It is just pressure.
While you are reading, don't respond with knee jerk responses that are meant to punish or wake her up. Talking and initiating talks about your marriage and relationship will just push her farther away.
I'm 2 years and 8 months into this, 1 1/2 years separated (physically not legally)I am not piecing, nor am I divorced.
Jack and BND are still married.
We all have our own stories and they are all unique. Please be patient.
Thank you,I know she'll come around, she is a great person.Just looking for escape.Actually I am excited for her to have what she wants,just want it more than anything to be as a family. Just to ease my mind,if a mlc starts early with a counselor does that help them thru it and back to their family?
Nothing will help them to come out of it sooner. They have to travel this course on their own.
Under my insistance my Husband saw a therapist. I too wanted him to get a quick fix. I thought perhaps the councelor would help him to see that what he was doing was counter productive to his life. The therapist unfortunately advised my Husband that he needed to pursue his own happiness, whatever that meant to him. My Husband felt that that was the green light he needed.
Until your wife can be honest with herself about what is going on in her head, she can not be honest with you or anyone else.
The sad part is that she probably doesn't know why she is feeling the things she feels. She just knows that she has to do this, her way.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
The same thing happened with my xh and his therapist she encouraged seperation she encouraged his destruction she encouraged trips and pursuing his happinesss and I bel;ieved she encouraged his R with OW
I think it may help only iof Mlcer is honest and therapist is very good with experience here I think the hterapist has to be well schooled and unfortunately these WAS/MLcers will pick somwone that promotes their choices peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am excited for her to have what she wants,just want it more than anything to be as a family.
Ok. So, how about you finding and doing the things that excite you (not to do with her)? This is not punitive or manipulative. It's just time to take care of yourself.
Any M's that make it through all of this, well, the M's are the by-product. You will hear to work on you and GAL until you want to puke (I know I did). No truer words are spoken though.
