Next steps in this marathon?

[Sugar and Spice]

Here is another question for those of you dealing with OW/OM. What are your thoughts about suggesting counseling in efforts to 1)figure out what went wrong/what needs were not met for "closure"
2)maintaining a friendship with your H throughout process.
Seems like it goes against DB/DR, but I thought I would ask.

Here are my answers based upon my experiences in own situation.

1) Counseling will only work if both are willing to focus on the issue and do the work to make things right. If your biggest problem is his OW, unless the 3 of you go, don't bother. There is no "working" on the problems when his mind is elsewhere and 3 people in a M just doesn't work. It won't bring the closure you seek. I would go to and IC and just focus on yourself and things that make you happy and boost your PMA.

2) About maintaining a friendship with you H during this process, I wouldn't. I can say this because I have done it and it has caused infinitely more harm to me and our R than if I would have just gone dark. What do you mean by being his "friend?" You will have to remain civil because you have kids, but anything above and beyond that is opening yourself to an whole new level of pain. Again I speak from experience and if I can save someone else from making the same mistake I did, it will have been worth it.

Go back and read my threads from the start and get an idea of what I went through and then decide if that is something that you are able to deal with.

If I had it to do over, I would have only talked to him about the kids and otherwise saved my breath.

Sorry to sound so negative, but I have been through it and its not for the faint of heart.