Thanks BT- your words are sooo encouraging. He called today mostly to ask about some financial stuff that I used to take care of that he has to do now. I was really proud about how detached I was able to sound on the phone- and I could sense him kind of squirming. He said he had a really bad weekend but I didn't even ask about it. Of course it was soooo hard. I felt good though. Then I went out with friends for dinner and drinks- they are a couple, so that became uncomfortable and set me back. I really, really miss that security of going out with my husband- he was always really sweet to me when we were around other people or with other couples, which I suppose is sort of disturbing, but I always enjoyed that. I actually feel better when I sit at home alone- at least then I can be miserable in private. I do have this hope that one day he'll wake up, do the work he needs to do to change, and still want me. If I knew that was going to happen a year from now or more, I'd be smiling right now. But I know that it would be a bad idea to hold my breath and I should just focus on me, b/c I can't control him. I just get so upset thinking that this could be and probably will be forever. It' so weird- why do we love these people after what they do to us?
