I am very glad I talked to my IC, I’m a lot calmer now. While she can’t be 100% certain, this is the likely scenario: while it may have appeared to me that I wasn’t being taken seriously by the MC, he was quite serious about my feelings. He has to work hard on winning over H’s trust and confidence at this stage since he already knows he more or less has mine (unless he really is a moron, which isn’t likely). Things should feel more even-handed pretty soon; if they don’t, I need to speak up and get their attention.
I also signed a limited consent form to allow my IC to speak to the MC. It’s limited to “diagnostic impressions”- such as, I don’t need meds. And believe me, I will encourage him to call.
We also spoke about whether I need to get out of the house right now. After talking to her, my plan is to wait at least one more MC session (which is a week from today), possibly two sessions, and see how they go. I need to see if H is at all receptive to what he hears at the MC or if he’s going block it out. If he blocks, then I’m out of here. So far, I’m not confident that H was pleased with how the session went. The only thing he has said about it was that I made him look like a major a****le at one point. I’m pretty sure that if he had any positive feelings, he would have said a bit more than that, but maybe he’ll surprise me.
I don’t want to have to leave in the middle of the holidays if I don’t have to- so if I do go, it’ll either be in October or January unless something happens. If I leave now, the marriage is almost guaranteed over- but you know, I may be ok with that. But I can do one more MC session- in the meantime, I will keep on with the organizing, document gathering, look for the books that were suggested, etc. And I see the IC again next week too.
We also had an interesting discussion of H’s sexual issues. She likened it to a drug addiction- he always looking for another fix, eventually building a tolerance to the current fix and needing to progress to another one. Nothing is going change in that regard unless and until he realizes that he has a problem.
Thank you to everyone for the encouragement today- Sharon
