antlers I get that. I accept that change is possible it's more that little changes aren't exactly what is needed at this point.
little things build up...simple things asked for and not recieved (choose your love language I'm not speaking of monotary things), the little things eventually don't even matter they are seen for what they are and appreciated as tokens but the gaping hole in the r has become bigger than what they can fill.
I am having a hard time rapping my mind around HOW h could let things get so bad.
I don't know if I can accept him anymore, I don't know if I can trust him anymore (and don't bother telling me I don't know if I could trust the next guy because I honestly don't want a next guy I'd prefer to be on my own for a very long time)
H has always known where I stand, how I feel because I've communicated it.
H has no explanation at all for his behaviour over the past 8 years (it was h's ea and bomb dropping that brought me here in 2002)
I was left to feel like h was just here because it was the right thing to do but if given the freedom to choose without any moral, social ramifications he'd not be. His behaviour and his past words ( ILBNILWY, EA, Seperation, Bomb dropping,etc) had me convinced my filing and ending the confusion (since he didn't listen to my words in conversation or letters) was the right thing to do. That we'd both be better off, healthier and happier apart. That maybe we just don't fit and honestly never did. After all he did say he married me because "it was the next step" but "it was never there"
I'm all over the place with this I know
I am not a waw I am the LBS who's spouse came home but only in body (and didn't even share that ssm too)
