let me start of my saying that my husband cheated on me one time before while i was pregnant...and its sometimes hard to trust him but i know he has been faithful since than. until now i don't know??????????
im having a weak moment i want to call him...i want to know what is really wrong why it is and how it is that he just stoped loving me and doesnt want to be with me or want his family anymore???? so many ? and i have no answers only that he is ready to move on with his life...and im left here hurting like crazy. could it be that he has found someone else and he is just deny it to me...he claims to being honest with me and i believe him when he tells be that theres no one else...
this is why i ? if he has someone else...there have been a few times when after my son comes home after being with his father he tells me someone name "ELLA" i asked my husbnd ad he says he has no idea...then on this wknd my son said the name again i asked my husband he had no clue...i continue to ? my 2 yr old and i asked him if "ELLA" is a small/big girl he said BIG. i asked him if "ELLA" gave him a kiss and he said yes and i asked him if "ELLA" gives daddy a kiss and he said yes and then said "TONGUE". i was so upset i txt my husband to "plz call me i have a concern" at 11pm at night i knew he would not call me bec he works at 5am. he txt me 8am saying if theres anything bothering that i could talk to him. that evening when he picked up my son i ? him and he got mad again (this not the 1st time i ? about him being with someone else--and he has always said no and that he is not looking for that, and the only reason we are not together is bec his "FEELINGS ARE NOT THERE ANYMORE") he told me that he has been hanging out with one if his co-worker a guy (i know who he is) and his daughter who is the same age as my son is the one who my son calls "ELLA" when he went to wrk he asked his friend what his daughter name was. he did'nt want to tell me he was hanging out with his friends bec he said that i would get upset, but he says that he does not need to tell me anything anymore. w/e...
i believe him and of course i knew i was going to push him over the edge and he said I'M REALLY DONE WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE" i was crushed but i felt better bec i know him and i knew he was not lying to me...we finish the converstation saying that we need to try to get along for the baby and to leave the subject of "US" alone.
well today my son went out with him again...they went to the park when my son came back i asked him if had fun with daddy and he told me we went to the park with daddy, minnie (our dog), and "ELLA" so i asked him did "ELLA" go with her daddy and he said "NO" "mommy" i was so crushed...AGAIN, i felt that it was my fault for asking my son any ? i don't know what to believe a 2 yr old does not lie. to even think that he would do that hurts how can he bring any women around my son when it has not even 2 mths since he lft our home. BUT GUESS WHAT....deep down i don't BELIEVE he would do this but at the same time i dont know who he is at this point.
im so upset and i want to call him and ???? him but i know i need to leave it alone and be strong...the bad thing is that whenever anything like this happens to me i get upset i give my family an atitude and i get upset at little things my son does and i feel so guilty to even treat my son different he has no fault and i know he is going thru alot on his own and i know i just need to show him so much love right now.
i pray to God to let me be strong and just not let this bother me but it does really bad....
