Man, I don't really have anything to add except to say you are doing great, and to offer my support in what has to be a very difficult time. I continue to pray for you and your family.
Hey JKL, hang it there. Sounds like you're doing the right thing. I experienced a similar process about a month ago. My W and I also watched Fireproof when she was about 10% interested in saving the M (about last Feb or Mar). She seemed interested in it, but nothing really happend after that. She did like the happy ending though... It is positive that part of your W sees the possibility of reconciling. I'm still waiting for my W to say something like that but she is still stuck in the thick "fog".
When I was taking the elevator down with my W to load boxes into her car, she said, "How did we get here?" On another trip she made similar comments to what your W said: "This is really hard" and started crying. She also said, "This is so sad, so sad" and started crying while hugging me. I just don't get it.
The path that the WAWs are on seem similar. My W though is living with the OM, so mine's a little different. She did share with her family that she moved out and that she is filing for divorce. Her family is very sad and shocked. I can relate...
Me:41 W: 36 No Kids
EA&PA: JUL08-OCT08 & MAY09-fwd
W said we may not make it: JAN09 W said she doesn't want R: 5/8/09,6/5/09,7/19/09 Moved out: 7/31/09
Interesting in how I have heard script from my W on how friends/family told her they weren't surprised when she let them know what she was/is doing. Now, since the cat is out of the bag in my 'hood (the big tip-off was the moving truck Sunday) all the neighbors have told me how shocked they are since it seemed like we were doing great. Wonder if I should tell WAW this tidbit? She probably won't believe me.
Hard being away from S. Talking on the phone is rough. He is doing fine, doesn't understand at all what is going on and sees it as fun/adventure right now.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
Long weekend, very busy. Had the open house today, of the whole past week been workign hard to get it ready. Think it went well.
Went to the zoo with WAW and S yesterday; we had a good time. W brought up she has been so busy, stressed out, bad week, etc. Yeah, me too - what did you expect?!?
Couple of times I called her by an old fun/joke name or made an inside joke about something like we used to, and she said it "seemed like forever since she had heard that." It has been not even been a week since she moved out! Seems to me she is already missing things...
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
WAW is in full script mode, coming at me with money issues totally skewed from her POV. Saying how she is the one getting "shafted" because she has increased expenses right now, etc. I try to listen and empathize, but come on she is the one who choose this path. I looked back over the past 6 years and I have made over $70k more than she has in that time, yet she is nitpicking now about splitting costs and revising history. Gonna be a rough ride for a while.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
I don't think it will be productive to remind/tell her directly this is her choice, because that just becomes a negative thing where she spirals into anger and blaming me for creating this all and forcing her not to have a choice.
She has a unique way of looking back on our money and spending, and now she has drawn a line in what is/was "hers" versus what is/was "mine." At the end of the day she thinks she is coming out worse, though I feel I can show the facts to show I am the one losing out money-wise. But logic and facts have no place here, and I am not going to fight of a few thousand dollars when I know it will do nothing but stir up more resentment and anger.
Last edited by JKL2009; 09/15/0908:53 PM.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
I'm not suggesting you tell her. Just let her own that issue. You don't have to say anything other than "I'm sorry, this is hard on both of us. We both have to make sacrifices under this arrangement."
I'm not suggesting you tell her. Just let her own that issue. You don't have to say anything other than "I'm sorry, this is hard on both of us. We both have to make sacrifices under this arrangement."
Which is exactly what I did, and that has been my consistent message.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
