Mish, I agree with the girls, your friends may surprise you. Give them some credit. And seriously, friends should be able to lift some weight for us as well. If not, are they friends?
I dont care if you think I am naive, I think you need to train yourself mentally to ger rid off the victim mentality. It made me so unhappy and the last few years, changing that attitude made a big difference for me. Buy the secret. It helped me. Simplistic but it worked. xxxx K
I am lucky my H is willing to help with my autistic S26-- I just had to send Shay to his dad's for a week because he went ape-sh*t on me (wasn't taking his meds like he's supposed to, and i forgot to check if he had 3 days in a row. I'm a bad mom). I worry all the time about what will happen to him when we're both gone.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time with S26. It's so bad when they get into a rage isn't it? It's great that your H is willing to take him in for a while to diffuse the sitch.
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I think you need to train yourself mentally to ger rid off the victim mentality.
Totally right K, which is why I'm in therapy. Trying to overcome decades of self-hate. I am my own worst enemy. At least I know that and am working toward ridding myself of it. I wonder how many years it will take me to be able to look in a mirror and not want to run screaming from the room. It took me over 20 years to become this way.....maybe 10 to recover from it?
The C gave me a self-esteem worksheet today and if I answer all of the questions honestly it's not looking pretty. Of course, I'm not going to lie to make it sound better since that would defeat the purpose.
When she asks me how my week was, I tell her the same thing every time...'ok'. She asks if there as a good highlight and I tell her no but there were no suicidal moments or crying hysterics so I chalk that up as a pretty good week. She agrees and then steers me toward the goal for the day. I was able to tell her that I was looking forward to tonight since it was the first night of a new women's bible study. She asked about the setup and I told her it is a video format followed by table discussion and that my cousin and I go together. Her first response? Don't sit with my cousin! Huh? Just the thought of sitting with a bunch of people I don't know made me freak out a little. She saw the panic in my eyes and asked why I needed to sit with her. Because she is my buffer. She is extremely social and I find I can stay in the conversation loop with her by my side. Without her there I sit and listen but don't interject anything. She asked me why and I couldn't answer her at first. Finally I said I thought it was because I didn't want my opinion to be taken badly. Her thought? I don't speak up because I don't believe that what I have to say is worthy to be heard.....ugh.....she's right. I'm always afraid that if I express myself it will prove my own stupidity. So.....another bit of a revelation for me. She finally relented and told me to sit with my cousin, but since she and I are so close I needed to tell her that if I wasn't contributing to conversation that she is to kick me under the table. I told her. She got quite a gleam in her eye! She loved the idea of sanctioned kicking!
I'm heading to bed early tonight....hopefully. I'm reading a really good book though (or re-reading really) and it kind of sucks me in.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
OMG, the Outlander books! You're a girl after my own heart. I also dug the Twilight books (have you read The Host yet?). I wonder when/if ever they will make an Outlander movie.
Are you feeling any better about things? Are your shins sore?
She loved the idea of sanctioned kicking! 