Ok so regardless of what he wants, how do you want to respond to the filing? Do you want to agree or contest?
YOU, STRONGER, NOT H
Not sure. I'm still thinking it all through. In my state I do have the following options: Answer with Marital Misconduct. It would be easy to prove. Answer with a request for an extension not to extend 3 months with the express purpose to see about reconciliation. Answer with the request for court ordered counseling as there is a minor child involved and we've yet to go to marriage counseling.
Answer one is my least favorite, but if we do divorce I will answer with such as I don't plan to pay for my lawyer, he can then.
Answer two is where I'm leaning right now.
Answer three isn't a great option because it would be like trapping a bear with a cage made of small twigs and spit. He'd not be much for participating and be just angry I forced him into something he doesn't believe in. But I wish this were the viable option. Counseling for me personally has been a huge part of my changes that I'm really liking. Especially as it relates to my temper.
Some more confusion was put into the situation when I was advised by another DBer that I trust very much and I'm very impressed with to ask H, "What do you want me to do with this filing? How do you want me to answer?" And no matter what his answer was, mine would simply be "ok". We had that talk, it went fabulously frankly as H mentioned removing the filling all together and he's the only one who can.
Before last night, H had told me that his parents, the people he has said pressured him to move forward with the divorce, were now in the loop and knew we were working on things, seeing what we could do, what could happen even in the limited time, hence why I'm leaning toward option two of the extension. When I heard his mother's tone upon learning where he was and then hearing him lie to her, I knew, "They still are completely in the dark....not good."
A while back when he first said he wanted to try, I told him, Great! Then please, everyone needs to be left out of this then. We need to work on this with no pressure from family or friends. On my side, I've only gotten support to work hard and have faith. The closest thing to pressure for me was that I should see a lawyer and be smart.
On his side, he's been flat out told to divorce me.
Not saying I'm better or that my friends and family are better, but I've left my family in the dark for exactly this reason, even before I read DR, I left them as far out of the loop as I could and continue to do so. They know very little of what is going on because they too would tell me to divorce him.
So, option two is where my heart is right now.
H just called. Again, continues to act as if....as if nothing weird is going on, like you know, filing for divorce or lying to family, or what ever other weird-ness is going on.
