please i need help i need to know what i should do now...
it has been 2 months since my husband and i have been having problems and he told me he does not love me anymore.
it has been 1 1/2 month since he left our home.
im 26 years old and my husband is 27 we have been together for 10 yrs and have been married for 4 1/2 yrs. we have a beutiful baby boy who is 2 1/2. we are both devoted and great parents and thats our #1 priority in life.
this is not the first time that im going thru this extactly over a year ago my husband left me for 2 mths aswell because he did'nt love me... this time is very different he says he does not love me and wants to get a divorce. a month ago he told me he wants out and is completely done and wants a DIVORCE...he got out of our cell phone company and got a new phone with his mom he wants to get a new bank account...when i get a job (i was laid off and im currently looking for a job).
i have done everything wrong i have cried like crazy infornt of him and he doesnt care, pleaded him to come home asked him to try to work things out...basically all the wrongs moves...
in my heart i feel that i shouldnt give up at all, i have so much faith in us and our family and i have left my marriage in Gods hands. i believe in our marriage regarless of what he says maybe im in denial and i should move on but i cant...i read michelle book and i of course i have done all the wrongs moves.
i know that i have to change and i want to stick to it i just honestly want to talk about our son and our bills and just leave the subject about us alone.
he lives with his mom and i had to move out or rental home bec. their were too many memories and we were spending to much for just my son n i so i found somehting smaller and cheaper. i still have most of his clothes and i know i should give it back to him but i cant im afraid its another move of us falling apart. maybe i should start my giving it back to show that i dont' care.
we both are in opposite ends and hoping to meet in the middle he wants divorce i want us to get back. so he is not rushing on the divorce bec. he says he wants to do things the right way and most important for us to agree on everything so he is giving me time to get adjusted to that fact that its over and he never coming back and that i will accept the divorce...and im waiting for him to come back home and have a change of heart...but all i have done is pused him awaaaaaaaaaaaay. i need to know what i should do....PLEASE HELP ME...I NEED ADVISE.
i believe in our marriage i know him better that this we were doing good not perfect but i knew that he loved me...i cant accept that his feelings just vanish from one day to another.
he tells me that he feels nothing for me and he has not missed me at all and all he wants to do is move forward and be a great father and try to get along with me
First of all dont worry about making mistakes we all made them in the beginning, and for me I wish I had Michelles book before H left. Im pretty new here, my H walked out seven weeks ago, but Im sure that other folks with good advice will be along soon. Just wanted to say hi!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
thank u for w/b i wish u and ur husband the best. it has been really hard but the hardest part is when i see my son and him go off and do their own things and i stay at home missing both of them like crazy...we use to do everything together the 3 of us and now im left alone...like u said baby steps im just trying to keep my distance and maybe he will miss me one day...and his family life
please i need help i need to know what i should do now...
it has been 2 months since my husband and i have been having problems and he told me he does not love me anymore.
it has been 1 1/2 month since he left our home.
im 26 years old and my husband is 27 we have been together for 10 yrs and have been married for 4 1/2 yrs. we have a beutiful baby boy who is 2 1/2. we are both devoted and great parents and thats our #1 priority in life.
this is not the first time that im going thru this extactly over a year ago my husband left me for 2 mths aswell because he did'nt love me... this time is very different he says he does not love me and wants to get a divorce. a month ago he told me he wants out and is completely done and wants a DIVORCE...he got out of our cell phone company and got a new phone with his mom he wants to get a new bank account...when i get a job (i was laid off and im currently looking for a job).
i have done everything wrong i have cried like crazy infornt of him and he doesnt care, pleaded him to come home asked him to try to work things out...basically all the wrongs moves...
in my heart i feel that i shouldnt give up at all, i have so much faith in us and our family and i have left my marriage in Gods hands. i believe in our marriage regarless of what he says maybe im in denial and i should move on but i cant...i read michelle book and i of course i have done all the wrongs moves.
i know that i have to change and i want to stick to it i just honestly want to talk about our son and our bills and just leave the subject about us alone.
he lives with his mom and i had to move out or rental home bec. their were too many memories and we were spending to much for just my son n i so i found somehting smaller and cheaper. i still have most of his clothes and i know i should give it back to him but i cant im afraid its another move of us falling apart. maybe i should start my giving it back to show that i dont' care.
we both are in opposite ends and hoping to meet in the middle he wants divorce i want us to get back. so he is not rushing on the divorce bec. he says he wants to do things the right way and most important for us to agree on everything so he is giving me time to get adjusted to that fact that its over and he never coming back and that i will accept the divorce...and im waiting for him to come back home and have a change of heart...but all i have done is pused him awaaaaaaaaaaaay. i need to know what i should do....PLEASE HELP ME...I NEED ADVISE.
i believe in our marriage i know him better that this we were doing good not perfect but i knew that he loved me...i cant accept that his feelings just vanish from one day to another.
he tells me that he feels nothing for me and he has not missed me at all and all he wants to do is move forward and be a great father and try to get along with me
let me start of my saying that my husband cheated on me one time before while i was pregnant...and its sometimes hard to trust him but i know he has been faithful since than. until now i don't know??????????
im having a weak moment i want to call him...i want to know what is really wrong why it is and how it is that he just stoped loving me and doesnt want to be with me or want his family anymore???? so many ? and i have no answers only that he is ready to move on with his life...and im left here hurting like crazy. could it be that he has found someone else and he is just deny it to me...he claims to being honest with me and i believe him when he tells be that theres no one else...
this is why i ? if he has someone else...there have been a few times when after my son comes home after being with his father he tells me someone name "ELLA" i asked my husbnd ad he says he has no idea...then on this wknd my son said the name again i asked my husband he had no clue...i continue to ? my 2 yr old and i asked him if "ELLA" is a small/big girl he said BIG. i asked him if "ELLA" gave him a kiss and he said yes and i asked him if "ELLA" gives daddy a kiss and he said yes and then said "TONGUE". i was so upset i txt my husband to "plz call me i have a concern" at 11pm at night i knew he would not call me bec he works at 5am. he txt me 8am saying if theres anything bothering that i could talk to him. that evening when he picked up my son i ? him and he got mad again (this not the 1st time i ? about him being with someone else--and he has always said no and that he is not looking for that, and the only reason we are not together is bec his "FEELINGS ARE NOT THERE ANYMORE") he told me that he has been hanging out with one if his co-worker a guy (i know who he is) and his daughter who is the same age as my son is the one who my son calls "ELLA" when he went to wrk he asked his friend what his daughter name was. he did'nt want to tell me he was hanging out with his friends bec he said that i would get upset, but he says that he does not need to tell me anything anymore. w/e...
i believe him and of course i knew i was going to push him over the edge and he said I'M REALLY DONE WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE" i was crushed but i felt better bec i know him and i knew he was not lying to me...we finish the converstation saying that we need to try to get along for the baby and to leave the subject of "US" alone.
well today my son went out with him again...they went to the park when my son came back i asked him if had fun with daddy and he told me we went to the park with daddy, minnie (our dog), and "ELLA" so i asked him did "ELLA" go with her daddy and he said "NO" "mommy" i was so crushed...AGAIN, i felt that it was my fault for asking my son any ? i don't know what to believe a 2 yr old does not lie. to even think that he would do that hurts how can he bring any women around my son when it has not even 2 mths since he lft our home. BUT GUESS WHAT....deep down i don't BELIEVE he would do this but at the same time i dont know who he is at this point.
im so upset and i want to call him and ???? him but i know i need to leave it alone and be strong...the bad thing is that whenever anything like this happens to me i get upset i give my family an atitude and i get upset at little things my son does and i feel so guilty to even treat my son different he has no fault and i know he is going thru alot on his own and i know i just need to show him so much love right now.
i pray to God to let me be strong and just not let this bother me but it does really bad....
Second, stop asking your child about "Ella", not only will it confuse him but it will not make you feel any better and just drive you crazy.
I know that it is very fresh and very painful right now, but I would strongly suggest getting your hands on a copy of DB and try to do some GALing. You are so very focused on what he is doing and where he is that you are not living a life but instead clinging to the edge of a very tall cliff.
At the times that your H is with your S you need to leave the apartment and go out yourself, get together with friends and do something, not just meet and talk but a physical activity that takes concentration to do.
Don't bring up the R in talks, right now he is a brick wall, so only contact him about your S and only if issues come up.
Do things for you, find things that you enjoy and take time to improve yourself. People are attracted to people that are happy with who and what they are and right now you are misserable and unhappy because you lost yourself in a combination of people (you, H, S) taking your identity as W and M and losing who you are deep inside.
Your son will benefit from a more relaxed mother when he comes home and you will benefit from finding yourself and your strengths again... maybe even a "Mommy and me" excercie class or swim calss so that you can help your son reach goals that the two of you can celebrate and when he is with your H a belly dancing class for you. It is fun, great excercise and builds confidence as well as gives you something to practice and concentrate on and if you want a real belly laugh then you can dance with your S... there is nothing like the sight of a 2 yr old dancing to bring light to the darkest heart.
But first... breath... you can do this, the worst thing that can happen is that you disciver that you are stronger than you thought... the best thing that can happen is that your H notices that you have found your confidence and strength and will be attracted once again to the girl he once knew but lost in the morass of responsibility.
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
let me start of my saying that my husband cheated on me one time before while i was pregnant...and its sometimes hard to trust him but i know he has been faithful since than. until now i don't know??????????
im having a weak moment i want to call him...i want to know what is really wrong why it is and how it is that he just stoped loving me and doesnt want to be with me or want his family anymore???? so many ? and i have no answers only that he is ready to move on with his life...and im left here hurting like crazy. could it be that he has found someone else and he is just deny it to me...he claims to being honest with me and i believe him when he tells be that theres no one else...
this is why i ? if he has someone else...there have been a few times when after my son comes home after being with his father he tells me someone name "ELLA" i asked my husbnd ad he says he has no idea...then on this wknd my son said the name again i asked my husband he had no clue...i continue to ? my 2 yr old and i asked him if "ELLA" is a small/big girl he said BIG. i asked him if "ELLA" gave him a kiss and he said yes and i asked him if "ELLA" gives daddy a kiss and he said yes and then said "TONGUE". i was so upset i txt my husband to "plz call me i have a concern" at 11pm at night i knew he would not call me bec he works at 5am. he txt me 8am saying if theres anything bothering that i could talk to him. that evening when he picked up my son i ? him and he got mad again (this not the 1st time i ? about him being with someone else--and he has always said no and that he is not looking for that, and the only reason we are not together is bec his "FEELINGS ARE NOT THERE ANYMORE") he told me that he has been hanging out with one if his co-worker a guy (i know who he is) and his daughter who is the same age as my son is the one who my son calls "ELLA" when he went to wrk he asked his friend what his daughter name was. he did'nt want to tell me he was hanging out with his friends bec he said that i would get upset, but he says that he does not need to tell me anything anymore. w/e...
i believe him and of course i knew i was going to push him over the edge and he said I'M REALLY DONE WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE" i was crushed but i felt better bec i know him and i knew he was not lying to me...we finish the converstation saying that we need to try to get along for the baby and to leave the subject of "US" alone.
well today my son went out with him again...they went to the park when my son came back i asked him if had fun with daddy and he told me we went to the park with daddy, minnie (our dog), and "ELLA" so i asked him did "ELLA" go with her daddy and he said "NO" "mommy" i was so crushed...AGAIN, i felt that it was my fault for asking my son any ? i don't know what to believe a 2 yr old does not lie. to even think that he would do that hurts how can he bring any women around my son when it has not even 2 mths since he lft our home. BUT GUESS WHAT....deep down i don't BELIEVE he would do this but at the same time i dont know who he is at this point.
im so upset and i want to call him and ???? him but i know i need to leave it alone and be strong...the bad thing is that whenever anything like this happens to me i get upset i give my family an atitude and i get upset at little things my son does and i feel so guilty to even treat my son different he has no fault and i know he is going thru alot on his own and i know i just need to show him so much love right now.
i pray to God to let me be strong and just not let this bother me but it does really bad....
Posting the same long posts (cutting and pasting) over again makes it very hard to follow your thread... I know that you want to bump it up so that it does not get lost in the flow, but you can do the same thing by posting a small note or update.
Have you thought about GALing?
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
