Putting Out the Fire with Gasoline...

[blindsided1]

Haven't been on here much. Life is starting to get busy and without a home computer....just can't seem to find as much time.

With that said...simple update. Things have been going fine. I don't really talk to ExH between his visits. This give me two weeks free from him. But, it seems that he reaches out right before it's his visiting weekend and will call me. Sometimes, if I don't pick up, he'll call a dozen times in a row until I do. But, to my disappointment...he just talks about sex and asks me if I am interested. My standard response is "we aren't married anymore. You're with someone else." Then I go on to talk about our daughter...changing the subject and then I get off the phone. I've been pretty good about detaching and keeping busy. But, there are some nights....when I'm in bed and I rehash the hurt and the his actions and cruel words. And, I cry myself to sleep. It doesn't happen a lot. But, it still happens at least once a week.

In a way, it feels like when my dad died....I got past the really horrible pain of it...but, the pain sneaks up on you when you aren't really expecting it.

I now know that he is NOT the man for me and I have given it over to God. I have faith in His choices. I am not a overly religious woman, but I do believe K was a gift. She came at THE MOMENT my Husband was leaving me after trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for five years. That is NO coincidence. But, in return, I was cheated on, verbally abused, emotionally abused and my family was destroyed. Mysterious ways...mysterious ways.

Other than that...K is GREAT. She is soooooo her father, though. Ugggghhh. She is totally willful and drives me batty. She is great about helping me, she will pick up toys, she understands a whole heck of a lot. But, if you tell her NOT to do something....she'll do it one way or another and look over her shoulder at you while she's doing it....knowingly. Even her teachers talk about it. She's 15 months!!!! What am I gonna do?

On the other hand, she is the best cuddler in the world and the way she says "Mommy" in that sweet little babygirl voice....my heart melts.

We started swimming lessons yesterday. She did really well. They tried to teach her to blow bubbles in the water...she drank it instead - yuck. She mastered jumping off the edge into my arms - of course. But, half way through....she threw up all over me in the pool...too much chlorine? I think so! Then she fell asleep as I floated her around on her back.
Of course, It's MY child that throws up. Hopefully, tomorrow's class will go better.

Hope you're all doing great. Need to catch up with your threads.

xoxoxo