Thanks Karen and everyone. I dont think that we are going to have a R talk... but I dont think that I could leave it hanging like he has, but that is sort of his personality... avoidance at all costs so I wouldnt be surprised if thats how if ends up.
I cant help but feel pressured though, he leaves tomorrow. And I have been sort of having this trip be the deadline. I have been saying, well at least by the end of the trip I should know where I stand. I can set the deadline back of course, but I dont really know if I want to.
Once he leaves again, I feel like if we dont have something at least a little solid, I dont know if I am willing to keep this up.
I guess theres still one more day...
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
BR can i get you to look at my thread again when you get some time?
I know what you mean by the avoiding the talk. my W is the same way and always was that way to a point. she gives up easy on things and it leaves you in a spot like this thinking and thinking well if they want it to work and want more will they bring it up?? this is what im dealing with.
does he talk about missing the relationship? or regrets ect?
im just curious because I get this talk every now and then and wonder if those are W's way of trying to get me to make the talk go into us working it out, but feeding the small animal by hand any quick movement and your set back
Well, the love just isnt there he says. Damn. I dont know what I was expecting, maybe this a little, but still. I am so disappointed.
I didnt bring it up, I was going to let it go I suppose, but he wanted to talk. He misses me and our lives, hes miserable, he regrets what he did, but he doesnt want to try again. I asked him if he even tried, did any research or read any books, he said no, but he had looked up counselors but hadnt had a chance to make an appointment or see one. I told him this is important! This is our marriage! This is something that you make time for! I know that I shouldnt have said a few of the things that I did, but I tried to not make him feel guilty or blame him.
After how well things were going, I didnt expect this for an ending.
I dont know what else there is besides having your best friend, having someone you can laugh with and care for, someone that you can be physically intimate with... thats not love?
He didnt mention papers or anything, even though I told him that I needed to not be in this place anymore, I needed to start my life again but he didnt bring it up.
Blech. this sucks.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
That's not the ending I expected. I don't get it either.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
phew. I dont know. I asked him how he could think that hes doing the right thing if its making him so unhappy. He just said he didnt know. All he would say is that he just doesnt love me.
I told him that I wish that he hadnt replaced me, he said "well, you arent replaced now" Give me a break! Seriously, you think that matters? I told him that I wish that he could have come to me initially, he said that he wishes he had too. I told him that I definately noticed a difference last night when he came home, he just wasnt snuggled up like he had been, he said that he guesses he was just trying to detach.
I guess I managed to stay somewhat detached because Im definately doing better than I thought I would. But going to bed alone tonight is going to be sad.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
wow im shocked, im not surprised he pulled back as I see my W doing that everytime things get going great. but that much IDK im just confused how the mind works i guess.
not to build up faulse hope but it could just be he is so unsure he is still on that rollercoaster. If he has looked into talking to a consoler then I would have to think he is just confused and maybe he felt he was jumping back into this too fast?
I have been thinking... a lot... and I have come up with some sort of personal reflections.
1) He is a bitter angry man and personally, I have grown so much over this situation that he created, seeing someone who hasnt grown at all is sort of a turn off!
2) I love my life. I have cultivated a wonderful existence, I dont have the energy to be the only one putting energy into this, I wish that it had worked out, but really... which brings me to #3
3) I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me! Im great, I am a wonderful wife and partner, and I will find that person, but more immediately, I need to figure out what the heck Im going to do.
I talked with a friend today, shes having an emergency. Her H is in the military and they are afraid hes going to get a medical discharge. It was sort of a reality check I guess. But I just remembered that lifes not perfect for anyone and telling her that it was going to be ok helped me feel that way too.
Im fairly certain that when he gets back to Va hes going to wonder if he made the right call, and hes going to miss me, but I cant be on hold anymore. Well see if he can work like I did, but I just dont think that hes strong enough.
Thank you all for your support through this!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Blue Rain, You are a gorgeous girl, and you played this 'reunion' very well. I have been reading along. I used to think we could laugh and drag them back to us.
I don't think that anymore. I appreciate how tough you are. I wanna be tough too. I adore how you just keep trying. And then I love how you regroup when it founders... I thought you were brave to have sex. You were braver to jump back.
BlueRain, Kristen, I will never kiss an otter... I think you are great and I am so sorry that your H is 'confused'
