See, this is when I wonder if I'm making too much of things and I get confused... He threatened to cheat, then downplays the threat, saying I made too much of it. He's good at the mindf**k when dealing with me and I can't keep up.
this is not compassion from a man who wants to fix a marriage & work on developing deep emotional & physical intimacy in a mature adult relationship.
you are NOT making too much of it.
Not every abuser will physically beat their wife, kid & dog while slugging back a generic beer he bought on the way home from the 3rd job he was just fired from that week.
Most verbally abusive men appear to be outstanding members of society...great providers, 'get-er-done' kind of guy.
in fact Patrica Evans' (renowned author on this subject) research shows that to the average person on the outside looking INTO the relationship... it may appear that the victim (using the word loosely here) is the abuser & the abuser is the victim. They are soooo good at developing & maintaining that 'illusion'.
As co-dependents we help them do that...at least I did.
How does he act when you stand up for yourself & impose a healthy boundary? "I am not going to swing with you as I feel sexually & emotionally disrespected and think it violates our marriage vows"
Does he pitch a temper tantrum like a 2 year old? Make it "your fault"?
What happens when something HE controls doesn't happen as he had planned? Same thing??
Feel like you're walking on eggshells wondering what the next thing is that will set off the cold shoulder, cutting remarks, or insinuations of your stupidity... ??
I again highly recommend you get & read Stosny's book "Love without Hurt" at least the section aimed at spouses of verbal abusers.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
