Hey, mishka. I just wanted to say that I think definitely God doesn't want to punish you. We've all made bad choices and had poor judgment. I can't say for certain, but I think God feels like us like we do with our kids. They make bad judgments/choices or mistakes, and we still love them and want the best for them. I think God is like that too.
With the depression, I think you almost have to do the George Costanza thing. That episode where he did the opposite of everything he normally would have done, and everything turned out great for him. I find I have to push myself out the door sometimes to GAL or do something fun, but then afterwards I realized it was exactly what I needed to do to get good PMA.
I can't imagine how you are able to act fake happy all the time. That seems so hard and impossible. I think I kind of do that with acquaintances, you know people I just see for a couple minutes, but with friends and family I let them see my happiness, unhappiness, or stress or whatever. I do think you should maybe try out some of your closer friends and give them a chance. And if they can't handle the real you--then maybe get some new friends?
