I'm with you swimming. I don't know how to have a backbone. I'm here trying to salvage my marriage - or build a new one as stronger says - and I'm getting screamed at and blamed left and right. We need to support each other on the back bone thing!
Ack! How do we do it?
Hope..thank you for your help and advice..we do need to support each other! Maybe if I had a buddy to do it with I could be stronger..You know..I just got done reading robx's replies..WOW! Read some of his stuff and you will rethink what you will and will not put up with..talking about feeling EMPOWERED..not that Stronger does not empower me because she 100% does as does everyone else that has followed my thread! Def. read robx's stuff though..it really puts things in perspective..one being a thread about putting spouse on a pedastal..this is something I have done for 10 years! 10 years!!! Instead of seeing my H for what he really is. Hang in there and let me know how it is going! We should not have to put up with this! We are just as good as they are!!!!!
I think he's doing things with you because he is confused. This is a bad time for him too, while ironically, he has the ability to make things better.
Continue how you are doing. I think you would be in your rights to ask him to help around the house more and with the kids, but that's your call.
You sound like you are working a lot of things out for yourself and he's noticing. He may just be waiting to see if the changes are real and permanent vs. just trying to get him to stay then you revert back to your "old ways".
What is he confused about? His moods are so up and down. During the week it is bad and the weekends are so so..I dont get it! He needs to change too. He did not drink last night. I guess that is good. But I just dont know anymore. One day I feel empowered the next day I feel like I am needy again. He confuses me. Maybe he does not even care at this point if I change. If there is OW could it be that things are not going well with them? I hate not having answers.
He's confused about whether he wants to be in this marriage. So at this point you have to understand, he's not going to change and he's not going to really make any effort.
MWD is very explicit in her explanation that pretty much at this point 100% of this is on you. If you can't handle that, then you are probably done.
You're confused because he is. About what exactly? He may not even be able to give you those answers.
If things were going well with OW, then no, things would be even worse with you guys. EVERYTHING would be a fight.
For three weeks in January, my H's ex-OW were hot and heavy. He thought they were going to ride off into the sunset together. But nope, she went and got a rich and younger boyfriend. (Younger than H) And during that time in January, things were HORRIBLE with us. When she dumped H, things were pretty great. (Then she continued to yank H's chain, but that's another story.)
There are things in our marriage I HAVE to fix if I want it to work...Trust is HUGE! Taking him off the pedastool is another one. Stop doing things for him. This is not about me. It is but then again I did not make this decision, I am taking a hard look at myself and thinking what can I do differently whether he is in my life or not to be a good role model for my children. He is very stubborn and I think it is unfair to me and my children that he is unwilling to change his mind even though things may change just because he told his sister that he was done...How immature. Really..or how immature to put your children through that. I dont get it. I really do NOT. Sunday was def. effort on his part..but I am not sure why...He was in an awful mood from Wed-Sat...do I take that as a sign that if there is OW then maybe things are not so great???
Bills must be discussed. Absolutely. He and you don't get to escape the responsibilities of life as this is going on.
No, I'm not saying you have to make the changes alone. But you have to make the effort to keep the marriage as stable as possible alone because he's not going to help.
You make the changes in you that you think need to be made and he'll notice and be impressed or he won't. The changes that need to be made will help you no matter what the outcome.
I am mentally exhausted because my h does not give me anything and I just feel upset and blah and not even my 3 m run today could boost my mood. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster and I WANT OFF!!!!! I am doing this all alone and trying to work my crazy schedule on top of it. It is too much!
I just want things to be happy for once. I want things to be fixed and I do not know how to fix anything. I feel like it is always something..there is always SOME kind of drama and I just need peace.
My take Stronger..my H wants nothing to do with the bills..sure he wants to blame me when I do not pay them on time but otherwise he has never shown that he can take responsibility for the bills. How am I supposed to keep a marriage stable when the other person wants out? Advice??
I dont get it..really..he was really nice last night..It was like old times, what in the heck is going on...I am glad, dont get me wrong. I have not nagged or b* in 1 week. I have tried to remain upbeat and happy. I have diffused fights as much as I can. He was really caring last night and even offered to fix my bicycle which was great but strange. Any thoughts here? This is going on day 3 of niceness. I am really glad but it is just odd.
