This week is surreal. I'm doing pretty well with my dad's death. I cry occasionally, but he had been ill since July so I guess it gave us some time to process and think about life after he passed. My mom is amazing and so strong. She's wearing pink to the funeral b/c she wants to celebrate his life. I had a black sleeveless dress picked out, but I'm rethinking that too.
A little contact with H this week. Thinking about what antlers said about being assertive, I decided there's a little unfinished biz. I sent a text that I had some things from the house to bring him (I want his stuff out of sight, thus out of mind) and retrieve my house key and remote. So, that's Thursday I will take a couple boxes over.
Last night I sent a message asking when he is going to file. He had said he'd file before he moved to the mountains, but if he's not moving bc he's with OW (that's 2nd/3rd hand info), then what's he waiting for? I'm not going to be nasty, but I'd like to know if he's going to file.
Another thought I've been wrestling with this week is whether I should file myself. There are the financial issues that I can get outlined in a separation agreement but I've been fighting this anger all week. I don't want to have a knee-jerk reaction to my H's lack of contact with my parents during my dad's hospitalization. But I have been angry this week that he didn't reach out. I don't want to be with this guy. My old sweet H, you bet, but I don't respect and can't comprehend this guy's actions.
So, we'll see if he responds. I am going to start a divorce-recovery workshop tonight for 6 weeks. I really didn't want to move ahead, but it feels right. I continue to let go and let God handle things. If He wants us together, it will happen. If not, I'm moving forward.
Doing a little more with my old guy friend. He is fun to be with, and actually came to sit with me at the hospice when I stayed overnight with my dad. Just sat there for an hour and cried with me. I'll take it slow, b/c I realize I'm vulnerable with the death of my dad and the sitch with H. But it's nice to have someone to hang out with.
