As usual you've given me good advice and strength. I retained my attorney yesterday and my H said he could not believe I had done that and in turn H felt like I had hurt him deeply and proved that I did not trust him. H said he would rather kill himself than for me to think that he would do anything but split everything right down the middle. In fact, he said that our potential for reconciliation in the future would be in jeopardy and I just asked if he was threatening me if I kept my attorney and he said yes.
This is just one more dagger thrown my way and if I continue I am going to have to live with the short term consequences of no more communication and for him to vilify me even when I know I am doing the right thing for myself. The sad part is I really had hoped there would be a small opening for that potential but bullying me into going along with him doesn't seem right.
Even if I moved out right now, he will not, I am going to have to work with him during the day...very, very torn.
Is this crazy talk or should I just let him file with his attorney and go along with it to just get this over with or to hope that he changes his mind? If I keep my attorney no doubt H will use that against me, in the short-term, to say that I must not want any chance of reconciliation.
Wow, it had not been up until the last couple of days that I realized how much H had controlled the situation and how crazy he went by me going out and talking to the attorney. I witnessed how much it bothered him that I did something that threatened his hold. That personally felt good but made me feel bad that he has had such a grip on me over these many months. I started thinking there was a fine line between DB'ing and self-respect and I had crossed that line.
That is my dilemna and will have to reach a definitive answer within the next couple of days and live with the consequences either way.
Any advice on how to handle H in this situation and still keep my cool? Communicating with them in this state of MLC is pretty much impossible.
Thanks for listening, Michele
M 42 H 41 M 16 yrs. Together 23 yrs. D papers filed 9/14 What is normal?
