I guess what I am trying to say is that even though you guys say that it is possible to have a 3 year relationship and come out saying he or she means nothing to me "now", it seems unlikely to me.
Yeh me too John, highly inlikely. Maria, I would say nothing until you sign, ask yourself what good will it do. Unlike John I am not sure I understand the vindication argument, so we say for arguments sake, he never loved her ..like he loved you...it was all a big mistake... whatever, thats makes you what? happy, or feeling even more so that it was such a waste, or like a second prize cos he got found out? when children are involved that puts a whole different perspective on his affair and leaving,she obviously mattered enough then. Take care I still read now and again.
The woman in K's life is inconsequential. Really. She is.
The issue is trust. Pure and simple.
Right now...Kal doesn't have it, nor will it come back soon NOR will it come back without TREMENDOUS WORK and COMMITMENT. It's not there right now.
I'm not sure what the D laws are like in Greece, but, IMO, Kalni can't take her H back in the condition that things are in right now. She will only set herself up for another fall. If Kal DOES decide to file, she can always call it off should her heart see something AND....SHE is the only person who can see this.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
As much as it hurts me to say, I have no doubt she was HUGE for him. She was the crazy love, the infatuation, the serene, the way out, everything he needed at that point.
But, even BEFORE I found out, a year ago, he had clearly felt something was not as perfect as it seemed originally. That is ALL I am saying. A woman that was the motive for him to leave me and his then 5yr old D and 6yr old son was definitely SOMETHING!!!
But it did fade, after the normal period of time just as the books say, they say it lasts 6 months to 2 years, for him the passion lasted 16 months. Her letter of last spring where she was stating all that was "different" between them was very telling. Complaining about the fact he wasnt tender anymore, wouldnt share with her his feelings, her frustration about him saying the kids was the reason he wouldnt pursue the D.... She actually wrote to him that she could see how he didnt feel about her the way he used to... And THAT was when they were "ALONE" and I was out of the picture...
Still, that doesnt do me good. I am no where close to changing my mind. But I am not driven by anger anymore which means I can see how he acts again.
I am pretty confident and there is no vindication about this, that he is regretting every moment he spent with her, not because of me, because of EVERYTHING. It's now that he is facing the consequences of his actions, now that people talk to him openly, now that he feels ashamed. Enabling cake eating...sucks. And I did, in the beginning without knowing, then "knowing" and then without caring about it. I WOULD do things differently. I would snoop a year ago, before I agreed and had forced him then to make a clean break from her. If he wouldnt, I would have saved me a year, if he would, I would have saved our M.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I'm glad you seem so clear.. phew! Thats really something. I agree she was important to him and a powerful entity at one point, but as other posters here put it, the bloom was off the rose, is that it? Besides, you are the mother of his children, so you are always going to be important and he will always love you?
I like what you said and I understand.. those rose tinted glasses of hope and ignorance have fallen away, you dont have to react with guilt or anger anymore, becuase yuo can see him clearly and what he has done, you can make an informed decision and file without second guessing yourself.. is that it? Its a sad end to the story, because I always felt he would come through in the end, but like others here.. its too little too late hey.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
This is not the end yet Al. I can see he will drug his feet as much as he can UNLESS he falls for someone again. And he just lately found out that we file it takes a year for the divorce to be final so he will be thinking he will have a year to reconsider...
He asked me who the friends that are coming are. I said it's you and he sounded excited to meet you, LOL... Still thinks we are an item. Weird. K
Funnily enough, I think of you as a kind of item still too.. I must be as stupid as your husband!
I'm excited to meet him also, well I would like to.. after all I have heard about him !!!
I loved that poem too. Did you read her site today? Its the exact opposition again, another change, another break with the past! It made me think when you said the divorce process takes a year and he may try to dissuade you.. wasnt there supposed to be that brilliant Neptune-Jupiter-Chiron link next year, 2010 I said. I think you are right.. its still not the end!!!! (good god, how many corners and corners do we have to turn??) I suppose some things just keep weaving threads through our lives for years and years and never seem to come to an actual 'end'.
Last edited by AliSuddenly; 09/15/0909:37 AM. Reason: I change my mind all the time!
Sooo, one of our common friends called to RSVP about my son's party on the 26th and she called stbxH. She had separated for 6-8 months with her H, rented apt, went to lawyers and now they are back together. stbxH had lied to them as well about OW. So she asks what is going on and he says he is in middle of a hurricane inside, he is really in a mess and doesnt want to talk to anybody, need to figure this out on his own. So she tells him he is just another jerk who fell for a blonde (sorry ladies) and now is surprised how the heck he ruined his life like this... He doesnt reply so she tells him "our love cant die like that and that I am his partner in life and love of his life". And he says "yes she is, but I will never talk to you again if you tell her that now". So, she calls and tells me. LOL
I think OW is pushing hard and he doenst know left from right. And I will keep pushing for the divorce. But I am thinking I should send her a teaser something like "tyhank you for your suggestion to go to the Maldives, we actually decided we will go". Because when he said he wanted back, she sent a nusty email to him suggesting "honey moon places to revive our love..."
