You said: "dates have become normal... there is a set schedule, go on date, come home, ML. Where is the relaxed spontinaity?"
Exactly. But I don't know how to change this scenario. I'm not the one enforcing a mundane pattern. The pattern has been imposed by my wife as the ONLY acceptable pattern. But yes, at the same time, this pattern is utterly devoid of spontaneity. I don't know what to do ...
I have a devilish thought in mind, tell me what you think about it, if it works then it would, of course, be a good thing... if it doesn't then you have really only lost nothing.
Your wife is always the one to turn you down... so maybe turning the tables in a small way...
This will be hard on you... as the SS spouse in my relationship I know it will be hard, but it might break a mindset in your wife by confusing her a bit and making her think.
On your next date night do things that you normally do, but once you get home from dropping off the babysitter be prepared to stop. Before she can say "I am tired tonight" you mention how tired you are and give her a kiss goodnight and roll over. A dew night later, out of the bedroom and after your D goes to bed do hand holding... cuddle... but once you hit the bedroom just give her the kiss goodnight and roll over.
Over the next couple of weeks you continue, showing affection and being playful, but before she can be the one to cut things off you gently kiss her goodnight and roll over. This will drive her crazy because the rule has always been that she calls the shots of when things don't happen and it would not suprise me if she tried to innitiate things because she wants to know she has the power. When she does... don't resent it, just go with the flow and never mention it. Then go back to the playful caressess out of the bedroom and kisses goodnight... don't press... don't expect...
It may work to get her to be the initiator, just so she can still call the shots, but after a few weeks things would hopefully change to where she would look forward to the anticipation... will he ask and what will I do? I wonder what he would do if I....
I am not sure if this will even work for you, or if this is a really stupid suggestion, but in the battle to win a war (and yes, we are warring against divorce here) sometimes we have to change how we attack and strategic retreats.
M- 11 y H- 40 Me- 41 D (1st M) 19 S (1st M) 17 First EA (w/OOW)discovered 2000 Third EA (w/OOW & phone) discovered 02/06 SSM (total) 3 1/2 years
