Really exhausted right now, but checking in... hopefully this will be coherent.
So I got home today, and W asked for a hug, saying she was sad. We talked a little bit, then she told me how guilty she felt and broke down into tears. How it seemed that she's so selfish for tearing our family apart. She said, I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm afraid that I can't survive without you. (not sure if she meant emotionally or financially)
And I said in response: very little.
She said later on that it would be great if we could just continue like this, seperated in the house, because at this point she has no negative feelings about me - no resentments, etc. Meaning I guess, now that she's given up on me, she doesn't have any expectations to feel bad about.
Well, as dinner was finishing up, we got a phone call. Now, I NEVER get calls at home, and when the phone rings I let the machine get it. Anyway, I've been talking to a friend from high school lately who has been through divorce, and she was calling - so I picked it up, went into the other room, and talked to her for awhile. Afterwards, W called it "mysterious..." and I just shrugged it off. Anyway, as we were cleaning up, we joked around a little bit.
Then later, W commented on how happy and "chipper" I seemed lately. I just thought, I really must be DBing my a$$ off lately, because you have NO IDEA how horrible I've been feeling. Seriously - you guys know how I've been doing - well, W thinks I'm doing great. What do you know.
I just said, I'm doing my best, and she said she wished she could be doing "her best" as well.
So, she watched TV while I worked, and we both packed it up at the same time. As tired as I am, I really wanted to reach out to her - hug, sit on the couch, whatever - but I didn't.
Don't know what all this adds up to, but these are as good of signs has I've had lately.
