YOur ex is only going to get worse as you get closer to the divorce proceedings. Be ready for that. He is the type of man that will do anything to get you rattled and get something "on" you.
I'm thinking this too. My L emailed me back and said basically (I extremely paraphrase) to get a backbone and not let him be so nasty and demeaning to me. I don't and shouldn't agree to anything I don't think is a good idea. So that makes me feel a little better.
I was so frustrated/low PMA yesterday I stopped reading his emails as I'm sure we could have gone on all day. He emailed me this yesterday afternoon which I just looked at today: A whole long rant but this is part of it:
You also missed the point regarding accidents. i didn't say it never happened when had them the night before or that morning. i said" i find it interesting that Jamie has never had an accident on a day when i have her in the evening".
Its only when you are picking her up. i don't know what it means but most times you have dropped her off and every time you were the one picking her up.
I think most likely her wetting herself is the stress of school and the transition to that. She's never wet herself with me for the past 6 years before starting school. I actually laughed. He can't ever face the fact that something might not be my fault...
"Yes dear, of course it is my fault that our sweet 9 year old doesn't know how to not have an accident at school. I told her to do it to just make you mad." Give me a break!!!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hoo, boy, Karen, your H continues to act the part of the soulless git. He has never shown any real desire to honestly parent his children and yet he now wants to increase his time with them just to ease the CS costs to himself. And his words and deeds belie the fact that he has not suddenly turned over a new leaf either -- in fact, I bet he is probably worse than before the separation.
Here I am, trying to remain relevant in my own children's lives, going broke with the legal battles to do so, against a mother who has tried to scale back my children's time with me to boost her CS payment. She makes as much money now as I do, and yet I am on the hook to pay her a supplement. The chief difference is that I have a history of being a sole provider for my kids, being mother and father on weekends and evenings, whereas your H was not.
I am now part of a politically-active meetup group for shared parenting. I am meeting other parents (husbands and wives) who are fighting to establish that both parents are necessary for the proper healthy raising of children. But it's people like your H who have constantly given fathers a bad name. Nothing he does is motivated for the benefit of the children -- I am embarrassed and deeply offended by his behavior.
Hey Karen, I was just remembering a situation with the boys when they first started at school. The accidents seemed to happen because they waited until they really had to go then they raised their hand. By the time the teeacher called on them...too late. After that happened with my second, the teacher in that class said to just quietly get up and go(I think it was PE). It is a lot to take in when you are first starting. Why should we assume it is any different for your daughter just because she is 9?
It really is sad that your H is motivated soley by money and not love of his children.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It really is sad that your H is motivated soley by money and not love of his children.
hugs, kat
Ok, I think he does love them, but maybe 80/20 or 70/30 with money being the larger motivation of course....I've thought to myself, if it doesn't work out for him with the $$ at final hearing, OW may drop him. I can't imagine her staying with a broke guy for long. Her H was making less money (went from a good paying job to making less when he opened his own practice) and I have to wonder if that made her H seem less attractive....b/c that's when she started the A with my H.
So the social worker just called me from the school and was saying the same thing about the adjustment period from going to home to school and you have to plan ahead and that. So hopefully something that will get worked out.
NC, I don't think he makes fathers look bad. More human beings. I think your W is kind of the same, motivated by stuff other than the kids being their primary motivation; she doesn't make moms look bad--just herself!!!
Ok, maybe did a good thing or bad thing yesterday. Not sure. The theatre director asked me to work on the crew for the Peter Pan play they're doing the next 3 or so weeks. I said yes, and that's about 30 hours a week, including rehearsals and performances. I was thinking it's good b/c I'll get my mind off the coming D, and be fun and all. I asked about D9 helping and they said she can't b/c of stuff being really heavy (although hopefully I won't have to move that stuff either!). But I'm going to try to talk to my friend, who's the asst. stage manager and see if she can help in wardrobe or something.
So I had a great day today. Lots of fun helping out at the theatre. They also are going to have D9 helping out with giving out the programs and the cookies and stuff like that. And if S15 wants to help out, they are going to let him help out with sets or lighting or whatever he wants to do. They are really sweet supportive friends.
Then I got home. Apparently one of my emails accidentally got put in D9's folder. Maybe one my L had sent me telling me to get a backbone. Probably that one. I had printed out to remind me to do so!!! Oooops!
He said how I am using the kids or something to communicate (why would I intentionally put my L's email in her folder for him to see) and how horrible that is of me. Then the spousal support check/alimony check is due tomorrow, and he wants me to pick it up in exchange for the kids basically.
I emailed him back that we have activities tomorrow; Terrific Tuesday, volunteer work at the food bank, and then the church is having a cookout until 7. I told him as I've repeatedly told him and as we have been doing, I will be having the kids on Tuesday, picking them up after school. If he has a problem with that, please contact his attorney. I am not going to give up my children for his stupid check.
And btw, my L is out of town on vacation for 2 weeks, starting tomorrow. He always seems to pull crap when she's out of town (last summer too), but I guess it's coincidence...
I got 2 hours sleep last night! Well at least I got that. I went back to save X's email. I noticed he had scanned (well someone did not him b/c he doesn't have a scanner nor know how to use one) of my L's letter. It wasn't too bad, in response to my forwarding his email re: changing custody (it was that one about he and OW not wanting me at his place & boundaries, etc.) and she replied back that after my IC I need to get tougher and not allow him to be nasty & demeaning to me (I guess her take on his email). I think X interpreted that as that I told her he was nasty & demeaning to me, b/c his email said obviously there is miscommunication or misunderstanding on my part. (He loves to say that).
I also noticed then that someone else had typed the email for him. It was a page long email and with his dyslexia normally would have dozens of typos in email that long, but not one. And he said in there that I intentionally left my L's email in D9's folder to use the kids and use them to communicate to him. Do you really think he even believes that? I'm thinking it's just a play to the judge. He repeated last week's complaint about my dropping the nintendo off with D9 and then she wanted me to help her with homework but instead of explaining that, just says that I took D9 from his place without permission. Since I took her to a nearby bench, as didn't want to go in his skank pad, he says in the email that I took her from his place without permission. We had already hashed that out last week and I emailed him that in future when she wants me to drop something off, I will email him in advance. But in this email he acts like it's a big unresolved issue or something.
So today fight on custody, and then I suspect he won't be giving me the temp. support check as he normally does on the 15th. So basically I'm just sick to death and ready for this to be over. I wish it already was.
Ok, enough is enough with his demeaning, blaming, stupid emails he sends you. There is no reason for him to email you about this stuff. If you have a schedule set, end of story. Do whatever you have to do to stick to the schedule, no more flexibility until the "battle". It just gives him more chances of twisting the truth, and building up "ammunition". Talk to your lawyer, but possibly send one more email stating that you are going to stick to the schedule from now on because you refuse to submit yourself to his verbal abuse and accusations. Then, stick to it. I know it may be hard with the kids' schedules, but I think it will be better this way (legally) until things are more solidified. His behavior angers me, and I don't even know him.
