Ok Please bear with me. With Machinery I can learn things faster than a frog can jump out of a hot pot of water. BUT behavior wise it takes a bit more effort and I find that if I write it helps. So I have done allot of reading today and what I have found out is that I have (and what more of you have probably already came to the conclusion of) “other validated intimacy” Being emotionally fused with my Wife I feel I need acceptance, empathy and validation from her. This is me whining “she tells others what a nice job I do why she can’t tell me?” It’s a case of my need to get in-direct self acceptance by appeasing my wife. The book uses the example of the phrase” was it good for you; dear” as really meaning “tell me that I am good”. I need to become more Self Validating. I need to learn to support myself. Being “other dependent” my wife controls me; I am dependent on her for my self worth. We have come to an emotional grid lock. I have 4 choices... 1. Push my wife to violate herself by accommodating me 2. Turn myself over to my wife by accommodating her 3. Separate emotionally and physically or 4. Confront myself live how I want to live. I need to make a stand. If I don’t make a stand, then deep down even if I don’t say it out loud then I feel I deserve exactly what I am getting. I need to tell my wife when I get back that I am no longer willing to accept the way we are living. I will no longer push my wife to work on our marriage. But I need to make it clear that she should not assume I am accepting things the way they are just because I will stop nagging her anymore. But I am tired of being grateful just because my wife talks to me. And I don’t want her to feel pressured by a bitching husband. I need to let her know I will interpret what she does from here on as an indication of her decision about how she wants to live and I will need to make my decisions about my life accordingly. I am dissatisfied with the marital part of my life and need to let her know about the possibility of me ending our relationship. It’s NOT an ultimatum I will be telling her what I am going to do...I have will have no idea what she will do. But I want to make my priorities and desires clear to her. I am no longer going to refrain from hugging her or kissing her because of how I may think she feels. I will do it taking my own feeling first. What I want to do. If she does not like it she needs to say so and let HER feelings be known.
I guess it kind of all wraps up into DETACHING but letting her know I am detaching Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
