K4D Rising #4

[Deep]

Kevin, I hope you don't mind my jumping in here with another 2 cents.

I know the sitch you are in can mind shattering, numbing, incessantly eating at you, it's not easy. I also have to say I can understand why some folks are really telling you to let go of what seems to be a near obsession.

Trust in God is one thing, but projecting that trust into a determination that God does not want your M to end is another. Much like for your W, you are even controlling what God should think and want for you? Just know that God wants the best for you and your M, whatever that may be, and leave it at that.

In the first 2 months of my sitch, I was a behaving a lot like you. I saw a C that was pro-family and recommended by Catholic organisations, first by myself, then with my WAW. I went almost mad at the last session. I remember whining about how it was all an infatuation, listing all the patently obvious facts and asking C to clear the fog from W. And C calmly asking me how I could know it wasn't true love? That smug look on W's face and my frustration at what I saw as C's validation of pure stupidity almost drove me over the edge.

C was in contact with me after that, telling me how I have to look after myself. I remember her asking me to decide if I really loved my W or if I viewed her as a possession another man was threatening. "No right or wrong answer Deep, just be honest, there's different ways of dealing with your problem for YOU depending on how you see things". Obviously, I was always going to say I love my W. "Then pray for her, for her to find happiness". Yeah ok, I could do that. "Good, and then trust in God and know that he may give her that happiness, and it may not be with you".

I was like "WTF?". I hated C then, in fact I never went back. Much later, I realised she was instilling some DB principles into me long before I even heard of the term.

Yes you want your M back and for it to work out, we all do. But you can't keep doing what you are doing.