Hi Lost Rabbit, Here I am to give some comments, although you are doing quite well! I really like your 180's and New Challenges lists. I think having those posted somewhere will be helpful. In the beginning I journaled about 2 hours a day, now it's down to just a few minutes as I am busy at work and getting on with my life.
I guess you have to start thinking about things...what will you do if he doesn't come back? You didn't die when he left, so you will survive. I don't know if I would ask about an OW? I'm certain others can advise better than I on that matter. My h freely admitted he had committed the "deal breaker" and had an affair. I've heard so much garbage in the past 4 months...remember believe NONE of what they say and that's what I'm doing. He didn't acknowledge my birthday and continues to spew garbage every chance he gets. I find it easier to not hear from him. I don't contact him at all except for financial matters. I refuse to be a doormat. I will leave the door ajar, but he must choose to walk through it. The ONLY reason I filed for D is because I need to be financially protected. I worked side by side to help my husband achieve his dream of owning his own company and feeling "important" by traveling all over the world and now it's come to this. Well, I deserve my piece!
You will get stronger. I remember lying on the floor telling my friend I didn't want to live anymore. She made me get up, get moving, and stop being a victim. Some days I still have great pangs of sadness and I cry and I feel such losses, but it's getting easier as everyone will tell you.
I have no kids...h never wanted any and I was okay with that. But, I now really wonder about that decision and, at my age, too late to have any of my own.
Just breathe and take each day as it comes....
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10