HA!! I love that..."why God put eyes on the front...." That's awesome!
But, yes, it is a relief that the divorce hearing is over. I feel like its been this elephant hanging over my head. Well, I survived and thank God! And yes, I think its what he needed to clear the air...still not sure WHY. I mean, WHY can WE only move on with our R or WORK on our R, ONLY if we get a D!!! AHHH! Its gonna be something that I am going to have a hard time understanding and working thru, I think. But, I do feel more in control of "this" R. I am being honest...not giving in, like I usually have, as he has a strong personality. What I am discovering is that I, too, have a strong personality! I usually have backed off - not out of weakness, but after weighing the importance of it. I feel a bit misunderstood.
It is so funny, bc he wants to pay for my trip to Milwaukee as he is the one that filed and I have like 4 times less of a salary than he does. OBVIOUSLY, I disagreed and did not accept. What I found interesting is that it came up 4 times during our 3.5 days together. UNREAL! He just kept bringing it up, thinking I would eventually cave! Its irritating that subconsciously he thinks I'm that EASY! I'm totally NOT! To me, if something was that important to him and I was able to give him what he wanted, I did...Isn't that what marriage or even friendship, for that matter, is?
Anyways, he texted me today saying that "You looked soooo good this weekend. Damm!" Nice....but, not putting much stock into anything. Who knows where he is at. One thing he did tell me that I took very seriously is that "I feel confused. I don't know if I DONT want to be with you and I don't know if I DO." He told me he loved me several times...don't know what that was about as I have not said that to him since he gave me the papers.
I always think people say those words too easily and not with enough thought. When I say that, I mean it...for life! Its a commitment you are making....SIGH!
Who knows, its just so much more uncertainty...but, one thing I do know...with or without him, I continue to believe that I will be ok. I am lonely though. Its crazy going from 2 to 1....about the one thought that makes me want to cry. I like people and I never planned to be this alone....I don't have kids and looks like I won't be getting to that myself. I'm 35 now...there is a time frame here I am working against....its annoying but the truth.
Anyways, I'm just rambling. I didn't get around to finding a yoga class....I got so wrapped up in getting ready for work...laundry, grocery shopping, etc... one day off just does not seem like enough. My next day off is Sunday. So, still a 5 day week! I hope this week goes well.
