Yes, but the cycle continues and it sucks. That is what is repugnant to me, to see H bonding with his dad and his dad embracing it (sort of "welcome to the dark side")...in the mean time, our kids go through what H went through and they have to process this and reconcile what a man is and does. They idolize their dad.
It makes me want to vomit, that is why I used the word "repugnant"...I said "understands" in quotes because I know it's a cop out but I also know that H is satiating his life-long desire to have his dad's attention and approval and he has it now. It is gross.
Anyway, I can't control it, I just find it confusing. I want to be amicable but then I feel that I appear to be condoning...you know?
I totally know. Wow, breaking the cycle. How big is that? Marriage vows, prenups, how about committing to breaking from destructive family patterns and cycles as a goal? You know what's funny? When I was in the process of leaving W I had it all rationalized in my mind. Kids would be fine! Humans aren't meant to be committed forever. Dude, I had myself convinced...effin hilarious that I could rationalize myself into believing such crap.
Good news is, I get it and our family is not yet a statistic. We'll see what happens. We men can be as dumb as hammers A&K but we can change and when we do it can be profound.
As for the condoning, you can be positive about H. You can remind the kids how much he loves them. That doesn't mean you have to condone other behavior. He needs to own that today and in the future.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
