wife left, wants divorce, possibly bipolar

[ryepatch]

how much longer should i go with NC? i still have heard nothing from here in the last three weeks, have no idea what's going through her head. there was a knock on the door 6:30 am on saturday, unless i dreamed it, but it was only the screen door and wasn't repeated.

so i don't know if she's trying to serve me or not. it's almost eight weeks now since she filed.

pretty soon i'm gonna break, have to contact her somehow. i just feel like she's slipping away.

one of these days, i'm just going to drop the cats off at her house and maybe leave town. i'm just so pissed she's acting like they're my responsibility.

god, i can't take this. why do i have no survival instinct?
i just don't have a single thread left of my life, everything i've worked on for years has been destroyed.

i don't want to start my life over from scratch.

i'm still married, damnit! i don't want to have to live like i'm single. i have no idea how to do that! i still say "we" to people that i meet, like if someone asks me where i live, i say "we" live in midtown. i just can't make the transition!

who the hell am i?