She is to the point of leaving her real estate listings laying right out in the open. And she went to GF's house as soon as I got home. Not before she told me how she spent all day at GF's house though.
I'm going running.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Sounds like she's just trying to get a reaction. She can't just be up front about it? Instead has to leave things out for you to see? Sounds like she's testing you. Remember - detach. Don't take the bait.
I've been having a hard time feeling detached this week. I feel more like throwing the !@$@ing rope than dropping it.
Last night W was talking about signing S up for a couple of different extracurricular activities for this upcoming school year. I mentioned that one of the classes sounded like more fun than another when she asked my opinion. It was the more expensive of the two so I quickly rethought my position and said, "W we're really going to have to watch our pennies now."
She flew off the handle
"What's that supposed to mean? I asked you about this before and you were OK with it!" I tried to resist the bait and responded, "I am OK with him taking a class but now that we're going to have two households to cover with the same amount of income I think that we should go with the cheaper one."
She got all STRONG and DEFENSIVE. I HATE when she turns into this person. She makes a point to turn it into a me against you, defend myself like I'm being attacked issue.
"Don't you think that I know we're going to have less money.? You don't need to explain it to me!" She said. And she proceeded to be a distant jerk for a while.
I told her that this wasn't a me against you thing. I'm not attacking you and I don't appreciate you being defensive against me. I simply rethought my first opinion because I realized that we are going to be strapped since she is BUYING A SECOND HOUSE. She couldn't leave it alone and kept saying, "don't you think I get that" and "it sounded like you were explaining it to me."
I'm so sick of measuring every word with her. I'm sick of not having a wife. I'm sick of being the turn the cheek nice guy every day. I'm sick of watching her act like a teenager with her girlfriend!
This all seems so stupid to me still. She talks about feeling lonely. WTF...you're choosing to be alone! I'm sitting right here!!!!
Hope - you're right. It was bait. She hasn't had a reason to paint me as the bad guy in a while, so she's reaching for ANYTHING to make herself feel more justified.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
Sorry buddy, but you took the bait whether you realize it or not.
This,
Quote:
Last night W was talking about signing S up for a couple of different extracurricular activities for this upcoming school year. I mentioned that one of the classes sounded like more fun than another when she asked my opinion. It was the more expensive of the two so I quickly rethought my position and said, "W we're really going to have to watch our pennies now."
was good. This,
Quote:
I told her that this wasn't a me against you thing. I'm not attacking you and I don't appreciate you being defensive against me. I simply rethought my first opinion because I realized that we are going to be strapped since she is BUYING A SECOND HOUSE.
was not.
I suspect she is venting at you b/c she understands the reality (strapped finances) and she sees you as the only barrier b/w her and the utopian life she has created in her mind for herself. She knows you are right, she just can't admit it. Thus, you get this,
Quote:
she's reaching for ANYTHING to make herself feel more justified.
Stand your ground. Calmly explain your position. Let her vent (unless she gets disrespectful - which is a "conversation ender"). But, don't let her pull you over the line into an emotional engagement where you try to defend your position and explain the "why's." She understands the "why's" and if you try to explain them to her, then you become even more a part of the problem.
Understand that it is good for her to get her anger out. No matter how much you feel you don't deserve it. Just be a bystander and even give her the platform to vent. Just don't step into the ring with her. That's what she wants b/c then, by fighting with her, you are justifying her reasons your M won't work.
I may have taken some bait. I stayed calm and thought I was just setting my boundary that I wasn't going to get into a me against you thing. You may be right though. At least it was limited. Very frustrating, but limited.
I'm at a very frustrated spot in general with it all right now. Considering how I have been feeling about things this week, I am happy with myself for not blowing up. I realy feel like I've just 'had it' right now.
I am sure you're right in that she does see me as the one thing in between her and her "utopian life." I don't think that she thinks about it though. It all seems to be how she "feels."
It "feels" to me like she wants a clubhouse and a sugar daddy to pay for her playing with her GF all day.
Me: 35 W: 31 S:9 M: 10 years Together 13 MySitch - Ups & Downs She moved out the day before Thanksgiving 2009, over 13 months post-bomb.
It "feels" to me like she wants a clubhouse and a sugar daddy to pay for her playing with her GF all day.
Well, that's not gonna happen.
Get busy. Deal with your anger - let it out, awBut she has to figure that out on her own.ay from her and the family. DON'T suppress it. It WILL come back up. This is where LOTS of exercise helped me, and still does. Couple it with doing something for yourself.
Then once you get it out, you can get back in the game.
The "not gonna happen" part was referring to the sugardaddy comment. What she does is...well...what she does. You can't control that and you know it.
Don't blame you for being pi$$y. I had (and still do) times where I reached a point of anger with W. "Why is she doing this?" "Who does she think she is?" "Can't she see how unreasonable she's being?" "Does she think I'm gonna live this way forever?" And it does make one angry. I think that's normal.
Quote:
How much running did you get in last night? I ran about 2 miles then walked nearly another three.
I did about 2.5. Didn't have a lot of time - ran just before going to S's football practice. I think I'm going to get an upper body work out in tonight. W and kids are having dinner with one of W's D'd and re-M'd friends and her kids. Think I will take a pass on this one (I was invited) and go work out. ME time.
