What to do when H doesn't contact?

[RedSoxFan]

Thanks everyone once again. Well D wanted to write back and hope that he got the letter in time for her first game to cheer at, even though she put it in her last letter. I know that he got it in time but didn't show. I didn't let her know that though, I told her that maybe he didn't get it in time. First she was so angry and took it out on me and then she cried. My heart is breaking for my children.

So in the letter she wrote back she told him that her cell was broken, which it is and that she can only call out so she asked for his number, because I don't have the money to replace the phone. So I thought for a couple of days and went directly to the store and complained about the phone and they are going to replace it in a couple of days (none in stock), the kind she has.

She also mentioned in the letter that my S that he raised misses him and wishes he would call or write to him. God Bless Her, she thinks and worries about everyone.

The part I just don't get is why he can't just call my phone and ask for her, he had to do it before July when she got her phone (which he didn't know that she had one then). And when he called for the first time in months regarding my S's health insurance he blocked his number he can do that again if he really wanted to talk to her.

But that is another thing I don't get, why does he hate me sooo much? I didn't cheat, or do anything wrong to him and he hates me for his depression and has said numerous times during our separation that it was our marriage that caused his depression for the past 2 yrs. I don't get that at all either. He stops taking meds. (which I didn't know), and I get all of the blame.

L41,

Two things are jumping out at me here.

First, I worry that you're bringing/allowing the kids into this too much. Collaborating over letters or partnering with them on communication to H is probably not good. Especially if it feels anything like trying to influence him in any way. There is a fine line between protecting them from harm and bringing them into adult situation. Do not lie for H. Tell the kids the truth at a level of detail that is appropriate for them. Reassure them, be strong for them and for you.

Second, I say this from personal experience and compassion. Stop analyzing the details here. Right now you're tracking the movements of a chicken that's just had its head chopped and trying to predict where it's going. It just won't work and it will only bring you down if you keep doing it.

You're going to succeed here. You and your kids are going to be OK. I already know that because you're here and that speaks volumes about you AND the people here are amazing. Read the DR book and get started on the work. Listen to the advice you get here. Get started...even if you have to force yourself every step. It will click.